Somewhere Between Raising Hell and Amazing Grace
by paraflymore
Summary: In this life you have to figure out what's worth fighting for.
1. Secrets and Lies

Somewhere Between Raising Hell and Amazing Grace

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

Summary: What matters most is how well you walk through the fire.

Fighting For Nothing  
Chapter One:  
"Secrets and Lies"

Lila flips aimlessly through a magazine in the doctors office, her foot taps absently on the tile floor. She really wants to just run out of there and never look back but she couldn't, she had to take care of this thing.

Yeah, she was still referring to it as that. Because she didn't want to say baby, baby made it sound cute and cuddly and this thing growing inside of her was a monster. It made her sick and moody and she cried all the fucking time.

She didn't like it one bit.

And sure, maybe things would be different if he was here, but he's not. His drunk brother is. And yeah, Sam really does mean well but you could smell the whiskey on his breath from a mile away. It had become a constant state for the younger Winchester, but Lila couldn't leave him. He was all she had left.

Lila tosses the magazine to the side and nudges Sam and he wakes up with a start. "Talk to me I'm nervous."

"Its bright in here." He scoffs, covering his eyes with his arm.

She rolls her eyes. "You didn't have to come."

"Who else is gonna come to these things with you?" He clears his throat.

"True..." She looks around the room, women all at various stages of pregnancy are sitting in the waiting room. She gets stuck looking at a women who looks like she is ready to pop, holding her husband or boyfriend's hand with a proud smile on her face.

She hates them.

"Joan Larkin." The nurse says and Lila stands up, ready to get this over with. Sam joins her and they walk awkwardly back into the room.

The nurses eyes stay on Sam, "Sir are you okay?"

He nods.

"Sorry, my brother here just got off work. He's just a little sleepy."

She nods, eyes leaving Sam finally. "Well Ms. Larkin I just need you to pee in this cup for me and the doctor will be in to see you soon.

Lila takes the cup from her goes into the bathroom to fill it up. Her hands are shaking because she's nervous. She wants them to tell her that this is all some mistake and she has some horrible disease that just has the same symptoms as being pregnant. She wants nothing more to wake up and this all be a dream.

But then she sees it, little traitor, all gray and grainy on the small ultrasound screen.

Her baby.

Sam is wiping tears from his eyes as the doctor prints them a roll of pictures off. She hands them to Lila with a smile. Assuring her that everything is normal and the baby is growing just like it should.

"You should go." Sam says as the get into the Impala.

She looks away from the pictures, glaring at him. "What?"

"You can't let anything happen to you, to the baby. I mean, its the last part of Dean."

It feels like he punches her in the gut with that one.

"I can't just go Sam."

He scoffs. "Why not? You gonna put a carseat back there? You gonna drag your kid on hunts like my dad did us? Do you really think Dean would have wanted that?"

"Enough."

He sighs. "I'm sorry – I'm..."

"Drunk." She scoffs.

"I was gonna say upset."

She rolls her eyes. "I don't have any where else to go. I gave up everything for him..."

"He would want y'all to have something normal Lila, he would want you both to be safe..."

...

 _What the fuck was normal anyways?_

She asked herself this as she climbed the steps to Bobby Singer's front porch with a bottle of Kentucky Bourbon tucked under her arm. What the fuck did it mean? Was it having a mini van and nice house and some cushy job in the suburbs? Because the only thing that ever felt normal to her was Dean.

She knocks twice and Bobby was there, eyeing her suspiciously.

"I come baring gifts." She held the bottle up and he smirked, stepping aside to let her in.

"Where's Sam? I thought you two were working together?"

"Creative differences." She tells him, opening his cabinet and getting him a glass down. She rinses them both out before she poured him a glass. "Have you ever heard of _Dawn_ Bobby? It won't leave spots on your glasses..."

He chuckles. "You didn't come here to criticize my choice of dish-soap did you?"

"I didn't know where else to go."

He nods and takes the glass from her. "You're not drinkin?" And he honestly looks a little more shocked than she had ever seen him look before.

"Not for a while actually..."

He tosses his glass back and then its like it hits him.

"Don't say congrats because I might have to slug you..."

He smirks. "How long have you known?"

She shrugs. "Not long. I didn't... get the chance to tell him."

Bobby sighs, reaching to touch her shoulder. His eyes are soft and kind and she has never seen Bobby Singer look more like a teddy bear. "I've got a spare bedroom. It's yours if you want it for now, til we figure something out."

"Thanks Bobby."

He nods, reaching for the bottle and pouring himself another glass. "I'm guessing this has something to do with those creative differences you mentioned earlier?"

"Sam thought it would be better if I tucked tail and ran, if I just got as far away as I possibly could from the whole hunting lifestyle but that just felt like a copout, and I can't do that."

He swallows the rest of his glass. She won't admit she's jealous, but she really could use a drink right now.

"My wife was pregnant once," Bobby says softly. "She lost the baby a few months in but I think I still have a crib in the attic."

Lila can't help but start crying then. It meant the world to her that he was willing to help, because she wasn't going to out right ask for it, from any one. But she didn't have many people left in this world that she loved, and Bobby Singer was definitely one of them.

"Thank you Bobby."

"Oh." He says, shaking his head and trading his glass for the entire bottle. "Don't start all that crying crap. I don't do tears..."

She smirks, wiping stray tears from her cheeks. "No tears." She promises, holding her hand out for him to shake. He tries to hide his smirk but his eyes are shining. He shakes her hand and then takes another long drink straight from the bottle.

"I'll go get you some clean sheets..."

…

She bought him some new curtains and a new throw rug for the living room. She even introduced him to fabric softener and _Febreze_ and Bobby Singer's started looking and feeling more and more like a home.

He went on hunts sometimes, and she stayed back and answered his phones and helped with any questions she could. She cleaned, and she tried to cook. But Bobby made her stop trying when she burned a pizza so badly his house smelled like smoke for a week. He bought her pregnancy books and drove her to her doctors appointments and made sure she took her prenatal vitamins.

Sam called from time to time, he always sounded drunk and Lila wished that she could do something to help him. But both of them were hurting, and they were dealing with it in different ways.

Bobby dragged this old crib down from the attic and he cleaned it all up and painted it white, but Lila could not bring herself to allow him to put it up. If he put it up it was real and she couldn't really face that right now.

Sure, she knew there was indeed a baby growing inside her. She has ultrasound pictures to prove it, but she didn't want to face the fact that one day she was going to have this little human, who very well might look like the one person she missed most in this world. It could have his laugh or his eyes or his smile and she knew, seeing it would break her heart.

The thing that hurt her more than anything though, was that Dean would never get the chance to meet his child.

It kept her up at night.

It was hard not to think about him but whenever the thought of him started to creep in Lila started cleaning, started moving furniture around or did a load of laundry. It was the hardest part, trying to turn her mind off from the thought of him. It was a constant battle.

Don't think about Dean.

Don't think about Dean.

Don't think about him.

Don't think about it.

Don't think.

Then one day Bobby's phone rang and Lila didn't think much of it, another hunter calling about something they had no idea about. Bobby was like the hunter customer service rep his phone was constantly ringing off the hook from people calling and asking for his help and advice. She loved listening to him council other hunters it was her entertainment most days because Bobby's TV was literally a piece of crap.

"Who is this?" He asked angrily and he hung up after he got his answer. She chuckled over the dishes in the sink. Bobby was hilarious to her when he was angry.

His phone rang again, and Lila turned around to see the pained expression on his face.

"Who is this? This ain't funny, call again and I'll kill ya."

He slammed the phone down hard, his hands shaking as he did.

Lila raised an eyebrow. "Who the hell was that?"

"Nobody."

She pushed it away, it wasn't important. Little things set Bobby Singer off like when she moved something of his and he couldn't find it or when the TV went out and all he could get in was cartoons.

She was used to his surly attitude by now.

She finished the dishes and found herself staring out the window at nothing in particular, twirling his bracelet around her wrist absently.

Don't think about Dean.

Dean. Dean. Dean.

"When was the last time you washed your car?" She asks, turning around on a dime to eye him

"Never." He grunts, taking a long sip of his coffee.

"Holler if you need me." And with that she was off.

He didn't holler, but a few hours later she heard what sounded like fighting coming from inside the house and she rushed off, dropping the hose without bothering to turn it off. Her heart was a fucking hummingbird inside her chest. She just knew something was wrong...

She opens Bobby's back door and she he's him hugging someone.

Hugging Dean.

And it all sort of snaps, her head and her heart and her fucking rib cage.

 _Dean._

He turns around and looks right at her, it's him, God it's fucking him.

"How... how can you?"

He shakes his head, at a loss for words.

She throws her arms around him, he smells like sweat and dirt and he honestly needs a fucking shower but God it's him, it's really fucking him.

"Dean." It's a sigh of relief against his neck.

"I missed you." He tells her.

"I missed you more." She pulls away, has to look at him, wants to pinch herself to make sure she isn't dreaming. She touches his face, he gives her a sad smile, and he leans his cheek into the palm of her hand. If it is even possible he is more beautiful than he has ever been and maybe it's because she never thought she would see him again.

Bobby clears his throat.

Lila looks at him.

"You two want a minute?" He asks, raising his eye brow.

Dean sighs and turns away from her, he finds her hand and squeezes it. "I could really use a shower."

Bobby nods, he motions up the stairs and Dean tugs her hand along.

She doesn't ask him any questions, she doesn't even want to breathe she is so afraid she will wake up. Is he really here? She turns the hot water on, Lila knows it takes a fucking decade for it to heat up. She turns around to face him.

"I thought about you..." He whispers, _I thought about you for forty fucking years._ But he doesn't tell her that. He just pulls her into his arms again, feeling her against him is the only thing keeping him from falling to fucking pieces.

She kisses him softly, hesitant. She doesn't know if it is going to be too much for him, you have to expect him to have a little PTSD after being in hell for four months. She didn't want to overwhelm him, but his grip on her tightens, he pulls her in closer. His hand tangles in her hair.

"I thought about you the whole time." He whispers against her lips.

 _No matter what I will always love you..._

"It's okay." He kisses the tears off her cheeks, and she hates herself because she should be the one comforting him. But all she can think about was how merely minutes ago she was without him and now he was here. She thinking that she must have fallen outside, hit her head. She must be dreaming because this was too good to be true.

All of it...

Dean pulls away, looks at her with a smile so wide it breaks her heart.

"Are you really here?" She asks him in a whisper.

He nods, "I think so..."

Lila's hands are shaking as she slowly strip his clothes off. Fingertips trail down his skin, new skin, not a single scar exists anymore, and she tries not to gasp when she notices the hand print on his shoulder. It looks as if it has been burned on to him.

"I – I don't know what it's from."

"Does it hurt?" She asks, her fingers brushing the skin around it gingerly.

He shakes his head. "No..."

Her lips brush over his collar bone and her hands fumble with the zipper of his pants. Steam has started to fill the small bathroom, literally and figuratively. She pulls the curtain back and he grabs her hand, not ready to be alone yet.

Lila pulls her tank top over her head and unzips her pants.

Dean kisses the top of her head before he steps into the hot water.

The she remembers, that tiny secret growing inside of her. That little human that would hopefully have his smile and his laugh and his eyes. And she's thinking how all she wanted to do since she found out she was tell him, but how was she supposed to actually do it?

So many things were going on right now.

They didn't even know how the fuck he got back here...

So maybe it could wait a little while longer, and besides, he was waiting for her...

The hot water feels fucking amazing, but not nearly as good as her arms wrapping around him from behind. She listens to the sound of him breathing, lets it remind her that he's real, that he was actually here with her.

 _It was fucking real._

She cleaned him from head to toe, taking her time, re-memorizing his entire body. She was fucking worshiping him.

It was almost too much.

Then he just holds her, and the hot water turns warm and the steam slowly leaves the small bathroom and all that is left is them.

Something healing in it for both of them.

New people walk down stairs and find Bobby on the phone, he was trying to get a hold of Sam, trying all the numbers he had for him, but all of them were disconnected.

"I know where he is..." Lila says, her hand tightening over Dean's.

Dean eyes her, "Well?"

"He's in Pontiac, he's been there the whole time."

"That's where I popped up."

She nods. "He wanted to stay close, in case he found a way to bring you back..."

Dean sighs.

"Well we better head that way, if you two are done reuniting..."

Lila scoffs. "Get your mind out of the gutter Bobby Singer." She grabs her flannel off the back of his chair and tugs Dean's hand along towards the from door.

Dean can't help but chuckle.

He never really seen anyone stand up to Bobby before, it was pretty funny.

"Oh don't you smirk at me boy."

Bobby follows them out, but asks Dean to run inside and get his keys.

"Don't" Lila says once Dean is out of ear shot.

"So you didn't tell him?"

She shrugs. "There are more pressing issues at hand..."

"More pressing than his unborn child."

Lila swats his arm. "Shhh, I want him to hear it from me."

Bobby sighs. "Well try not to drag it out too long, you are going to start to show soon."

…

The three of them make their way down a dingy hallway and knock on a door with the number 207 inside a red heart. Lila gives Dean a look and crosses her arms over her chest. The door is opened by a girl with dark hair, wearing only a tank top and underwear. She looks at them expectantly.

"So where is it?" She asks them, eyeing them all expectantly.

Dean looks at Lila with confusion and then back at the girl. "Where's what?"

"You're not pizza delivery people are you?" She asks, soudning really confused.

Call it pregnancy hormones but Lila was ready to smack her.

"I think we got the wrong room." Dean chuckles, nodding to the girl in apology.

Sam comes out of the bathroom, his hair still wet from a shower. He is grim and focused and doesn't notice them at first, "Hey, is..." He stops dead when he sees Dean. He swallows, shocked, his eyes flicking between all of them.

"Heya, Sammy." Dean says quietly.

Sam is silent as Dean steps into the room, ignoring the girl, who steps aside to let him in. As Deam gets close, Sam pulls a knife and lunges at him. The girl screams; Dean manages to block Sam's attack and Bobby steps in and pulls him off of Dean, gripping him around the shoulders. Sam struggles with him for a moment, breathing wildly..

"Who are you?" Sam shouts at him.

"Like you didn't do this?!"

"Do what?!"

"It's him. It's him. I've been through this already, it's _really_ him."

Sam stares at his brother as he slowly stops struggling with Bobby. "What..."

Dean approaches him cautiously, staring at Sam with a half smirk. "I know. I look fantastic, huh?"

Bobby lets go of him and he looks on the verge of tears as he steps forward and pulls his brother into a desperate hug. They embrace for several seconds, heavy with emotion, as Bobby looks on with tears in his eyes. Lila smirks from outside the door, her eyes scanning over Sam's little piece.

Something was off about her.

Sam pushes Dean back to arm's length.

The girl is looking on, a look of confusion on her face. Lila is beginning to think it might just be a permanent look. "So are you two like... together?"

Sam looks at her like he's just remembered that she's there. "What? No. No. He's my brother."

"Uh... got it. I... I guess. Look, I should probably go." She says nervously.

"I'll call you a cab." Lila chimes in, pulling her cellphone out of her back pocket.

Sam eyes her but then looks back to the girl. "Yeah. Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Sorry."

Sam comes back into the room from walking his friend out and sits down. Dean is standing above him, arms crossed. He and Lila are both looking at him suspiciously.

"So tell me, what'd it cost?" Dean asks him.

Sam smirks, "The girl? I don't pay, Dean."

"That's not funny, Sam. To bring me back. What'd it cost? Was it just your soul, or was it something worse?"

"You think I made a deal?" Sam asks, gaping at him.

"That's exactly what we think." Bobby chimes in.

"Well, I didn't.

Dean scoff. "Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying." Sam says, looking at Lila. She knew the second that she saw his reaction that he had absolutely nothing to do with bringing his brother back. He looks like he is waiting for her to tell him what happened.

She just shrugs and sits at the small table, she didn't trust the other surfaces in the room. That girl looked like she had been around the block a few times and she was not going to catch VD from sitting on the bed.

"I tried, no demon would deal." He looks at Lila. "We even opened the damn devil's gate."

Lila chews her bottom lip.

"You didn't tell me that!" Bobby snaps at her.

"Mind your blood pressure Bobby." She says, pressing her fingertips into her temple. She had a fucking headache. Her eyes met Dean's and all she could think about was how she didn't fucking care about how he got back, she was just glad he was here.

He was really fucking here.

"I know a psychic a few states over... I could give her a call and see if she can help."

"So you two were a regular Bonnie and Clyde huh?" Dean asks, looking between the two of the

Lila rolls her eyes. "More like Thelma and Louise."

Sam chuckles. "Which one was I?"

She she was close enough to smack him. "You know I felt bad for leaving you, but I see you've been having quite a party without me Sammy."

Dean crosses his arms over his chest.

Sam eyes them both. "You two don't get to gang up on me. I was just..."

"Being a man."

He nods, satisfied with her answer.

"She seemed nice." Dean adds, being a supportive big brother.

Lila scoffs. "Honestly expected a little better of you Sam."

He rolls his eyes.

"I am just looking out for you, jackass."

It had always been her pet name for him. Dean called him bitch and Lila called him jackass. His face softens. "I know. You just do it a little too much."

Lila scoffs.

"So you know everything now? Right?"

Lila shakes her head at him, and luckily Dean doesn't notice the exchange between them.

She gets up from the table and touches Dean's arm, "I'm going to get us something to eat. You two catch up, feel free to kick his ass if you want to."

It earned her a smile from both of them.

She kisses Dean on the cheek and swats Sam in the back of his head.

He was the most annoying little-big brother on the fucking planet. But she loved her Winchesters. And she was glad she had both of them back.

"She hasn't changed."

"I'd be disappointed if she had," Dean said, sitting down in the chair she left unoccupied.

Sam nods in agreement. "So... How was it, do you remember anything?"

Dean's jaw tightens.

He did not want to talk about hell, as far as he was concerned he was just going to pretend it never happened, as soon as they figured out what the fuck brought him back. He wasn't one to dwell on things, especially the things that hurt.

"I must have blacked it out, I just remember waking up."

"What about before?"

"I remember being a hell hounds dinner."

Sam works his jaw, he is thinking hard, Dean can almost see the gears in his head turning.

He thinks it over, looking down at the scabs on his knuckles. He tries not to think about hell, but it punches him in the fucking chest. The memories of that place. The smells and the screams and the pain.

"You okay?"

He nods. He is always okay. He has no other fucking choice.

"Yeah, I'm golden Sammy..."


	2. The Trick Is To Keep Breathing

Somewhere Between Raising Hell and Amazing Grace

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

Summary: The thing about secrets is they always find a way to catch up to you...

Fighting For Nothing  
Chapter Two:  
"The Trick Is To Keep Breathing"

Lila leans against Bobby's car and tries to catch her breath.

Lying was not really her strong suit. Not that she wasn't damned good at it, but in doing it, especially lying to Dean, made her feel sick.

Or maybe it was just the damn morning sickness.

She touches her stomach absently, she noticed a little bit of a bump in the mirror a few days ago, barely just a pudge. Looked like she ate too much for lunch or something. And she's thinking how long she can get by with not telling him? It wasn't like she didn't want to tell him, there was just so many things going on.

First of all by some twist of fate he was back from hell with this nasty looking hand print that honestly scared the crap out of her. She was so fucking happy that he was back, but it didn't make any sense...

And she doesn't know, she just feels like maybe the trouble was just beginning for them again.

The smell of french fries hits Lila the moment she walks into the diner. It was so weird that something that she absolutely adored before could make her feel so sick. She leans against the counter, trying not to puke her brains out and an older woman with graying hair smiles at her.

"What can I get for you sweetie?"

She swallows. "Four cheeseburgers."

The woman nods, and Lila notices that her name badge says Delores on it. Her heart sinks a little. "Any fries?"

"No." She says quickly. "Can I get four orders of onion rings instead?"

Delores nods. "Yes ma'am. Anything else?"

"Where's your bathroom?"

She leans her head against the cool wall of the bathroom stall, willing her head to stop spinning. This thing inside her better be freaking adorable because she wasn't enjoying this whole pregnancy thing, not by a long shot.

"Lila?" It's Dean's voice and he is standing right outside the stall.

Her heart drops.

"Are you okay?"  
She flushes the toilet quickly. Wiping her face with toilet paper. She was caught, she was fucking caught...

He's got this look on his face when she opens the stall door, this look she has never seen him wear before. Its like he's aged ten years since the last time she saw him.

"I figured I'd come over and help you."

She smirks. "Thanks I just got a little dizzy. I haven't eaten today."

Dean reaches for her, pulling her against him. He holds her silently for a moment and then someone walks into the bathroom. A noise of disgust comes from the women and the two of them separate, still holding hands and Lila tugs him out the door.

Suddenly, she's starving.

…

Dean and Lila are seated on the couch, Bobby is sitting at the small table, looking through an old book. Sam passes out bottles of beer, his eyes flicker to Lila and the two of them exchange a look that does not go unnoticed by Dean. Lila takes the beer, with no intention of drinking it and Sam sits down across from them.

"So" Dean says, clearing his throat, "what were you doing around here if you weren't digging me out of my grave?"

"Well, once I figured out I couldn't save you, I started hunting down Lilith, trying to get some payback."

"All by yourself. What the hell is wrong with you Sam?" Lila hisses accusingly.

Dean sees something across the room, he frowns, and crosses towards it.

"I didn't really have any other option. And I was pretty messed up. He says, eyeing her.

Dean picks up what had caught his eye, a pink flowered bra. He holds it up and gapes at Sam. "Oh yeah. I really feel your pain."

"Anyways," He scoffs, rolling his eyes at his brother. "uh, I was checking these demons out of Tennessee, and out of nowhere they took a hard left, booked up here."

"When?" He asks, tossing the bra to the side.

"Yesterday morning."

"That's when I busted out."

"You think these demons are here 'cause of you?" Bobby asks, finally joining the conversation.

Dean nods, sitting back down next to Lila. His hand covers her knee.

"But why?" She asks.

"Well, I don't know – some bad ass demon drags me out and now this? It's gotta be connected somehow." He shakes his head. "You should have seen the grave site. Trees all knocked down. It was some bad mojo..."

"How you feelin', anyway?"

"I'm a little hungry." He says, smirking.

"No, I mean, do you feel like yourself? Anything strange, or different?"

"Or demonic? Bobby, how many times do I have to prove I'm me?"

Bobby's face softens. "Yeah. Well, listen. No demon's letting you loose out of the goodness of their hearts. They've gotta have something nasty planned."

"Well, I feel fine."

"Okay, look, we don't know what they're planning. We got a pile of questions and no shovel."

Bobby stands up. "I got my friend on it, she says we can head that way when we're ready."

"Hell yeah, it's worth a shot." Dean says finishing off his beer.

"I'll be right back." Bobby says, taking one last sip of his own and leaving them alone.

Sam stands up reaching into his collar and pulling out a cord. It is Dean's amulet. He places it in Dean's hand. He looks at it, touched.

"Thanks." He says, and Lila can tell that this brotherly moment is getting to him. It was always funny to watch the two of them. They both loved each other so much, and they choose to show it, rather than say it. It was the fucking Winchester curse.

"Yeah, don't mention it."

Lila stands up, nature is calling. "I'll be right back." She says, touching Dean's arm softly.

He puts the amulet back on, feeling a little more like himself again.

"So..." His eyes flick to the bathroom door, and back at the untouched beer. "What's going on with her?"

"Lila?" Sam asks, coyly turning around and packing up some clothes.

"Yeah Lila." He says. "She seems different."

Sam turns back around and looks at him. "She went through it afterwards..."

"I just feel like she's hiding something from me..."

"Huh?" Sam asks clearing his throat. He hated lying to his brother, but he was definitely not going to be the one to break this news to him.

"You would tell me, right Sam?" Dean almost whispers. "You would tell me if there was something going on right?"

"Of course I would..."

The bathroom door swings open and Lila lets out a noise of disgust. "Can we leave now?"

…

Bobby leads them down a set of steps, towards the parking lot. Dean has Lila's hand tightly in his own, still not satisfied that something isn't going on with her.

"She's about four hours down the Interstate. Try to keep up." He smirks, looking at the three of them.

Lila lets Dean's hand go. "I'm gonna ride with Bobby, let you two have a little bro time."

Dean looks disappointed but he kisses her softly and watches her walk off. It would give him more time to probe Sam for information. He knew there was something that they weren't telling him...

"I assume you'll want to drive.: Sam says pulling the keys out of his right pocket and tossing them at Dean, who catches them easily.

Dean chuckles, "Oh, I almost forgot." He approaches the Impala and runs a hand along it lovingly. "Hey, sweetheart, did you miss me?" he gets in the driver's side, settles in. Then he sees an iPod plugged into the stereo, pauses, and gives it a dirty look. Sam gets into the passenger's seat, smiling. Dean glares at him.

"What the hell is that?"

"That's an iPod jack."

"You were supposed to take care of her, not douche her up."

"Dean, I thought it was my car."

Dean sneers, sighs, and turns the key in the ignition. Some douche bag song starts to play which earns a groan from Dean. He rolls his eyes and glares at his brother again, looking pained.

"Really?"

Sam shrugs innocently. He rips the iPod out of the jack and tosses it in the back seat. Then he drives off, following Bobby out onto the expressway.

"There's still one thing that's bothering me." Dean says, about an hour into the trip.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, the night that I bit it. Or... got bit." He chuckles at his own wit, "How'd you make it out? I thought Lilith was going to kill you."

Sam sighs. "Well, she tried. She couldn't."

He scoffs. "What do you mean, she couldn't?"

"She fired this, like, burning light at me, and... didn't leave a scratch. Like I was immune or something."

"Immune?" He almost choked on the word.

"Yeah. I don't know who was more surprised, her or me. She left pretty fast after that."

Dean works his jaw. "Huh. What about Ruby, where is she?"

"Dead. For now."

Dean chews on his lip, like he's not sure he wants to ask the question on the tip of his tongue. "So you've been using your, uh, freaky ESP stuff?"

"No." Sam deadpan.

"You sure about that?" Dean asks, softening his voice. "Well, I mean, now that you've got... immunity, whatever the hell that is... just wondering what other kind of weirdo crap you've got going on."

"Nothing, Dean. Look, you didn't want me to go down that road, so I didn't go down that road. It was practically your dying wish."

"Yeah, well, let's keep it that way."

…

Bobby looks over at Lila, his eyes wide and all knowing. "You have to tell him."

Lila sighs. "I'm planning on it."

"He's getting suspicious."

She reaches for the radio dial and turns the volume up. Bobby had a thing for Kenny Rogers, and the tape deck starts playing one of his songs. It reminded her of her mom. She loved old country music.

"Are you afraid of how he's gonna react?"

Lila shakes her head. "No."

"I mean he's gonna find out sooner or later, better that it comes from you than from someone else..."

…

Bobby knocks on the door, and a women opens it. She is in her thirties, strong and beautiful with a ready smile. She has dark curly hair and the Ramones on her shirt.

"Bobby!" She yells, grabbing him into a hug, lifting him briefly off the ground.

"You're a sight for sore eyes." He tells her.

She steps back and looks the three of them up and down appraisingly.

"So, these the boys?" She smirks at Lila, "And I know this one, Lila Dawson. I knew your mother once upon a time. She was a good friend."

"This is Pamela Barnes, best damn psychic in the state."

They all say hi, Sam's eyes lingering on her a little too long.

"Mmm-mmm-mmm. Dean Winchester. Out of the fire and back in the frying pan, huh? Makes you a rare individual."

"If you say so..."

"Come on in." She says, ushering them in.

"So, you hear anything?" Bobby asks her.

"Well, I Ouija'd my way through a dozen spirits. No one seems to know who broke your boy out, or why."

"So what's next?" He asks her expectantly.

"A séance, I think. See if we can see who did the deed."

"You're not gonna... summon the damn thing here?" Bobby asks, his eyes shifting to Lila in a nervous sort of way.

"No. I just want to get a sneak peek at it. Like a crystal ball without the crystal."

"I'm game." Dean says with a smirk.

Pamela spreads a black tablecloth covered in symbols over a small table. Lila looks at it warily; Dean cocks his head as Pamela squats in front of a cabinet, revealing a scrawled tattoo across her lower back that reads: Jesse Forever

"Who's Jesse?"

"Well, it wasn't forever." She tells him with a chuckles.

As she passes by, her arm brushing Lila's she gasps and takes a step back.

Lila felt it too, the spark between them.

Pamela knew...

"It's a girl." She whispers.

Lila feels Dean's hand tighten on her arm.

"What the hell does that mean?" He asks, his voice rising.

Pamela's green eyes bore into hers... "He doesn't know."

So much for that one now...

Lila turns to him, her dark eyes filling with tears.

Fuck...

"Lila tell me whats going on." Dean pleads.

She takes his hand and pulls him outside. She needs some air and she is sure he is going to need some too.

It wasn't an it anymore.

She was a girl.

Their baby girl...

She lets out a soft sound of defeat. It was now or never. "I'm pregnant Dean..."

"Fuck."" He breathes out, and she can't tell if its relief or regret in his voice.

She nods. "I've been trying to tell you-"

"How the fuck did this happen?"

"Pretty sure that last night in the back of the impala."

He leans against the railing of Pamela's stairs, holding onto it like he's sinking and its his only life vest.

"I didn't think I would ever have to tell you and then..."

He takes a deep, labored breath. "So you're what, like five months pregnant?"

She nods.

"And you didn't know it was a girl?"

Lila feels warm tears fill her eyes. "I was holding out hope for a boy."

He smirks. "This is crazy."

She rubs her stomach absently, it was something she caught herself doing a dozen times around him.

"I found out a few months back. Sam made me come back to Bobby's so I would be safe."

Fuck.

That explained all those awkward looks between the two of them and the way Sam always tensed up when he mentioned Lila's name.

"I thought something happened between you two." Dean admits feeling really stupid about the idea now. He stands up straight and looks right at her.

"Gross Dean." she makes a face and then she starts laughing and she brushes her hand through his hair. "I would never do that to you."

His hand finds hers. "You thought I was dead, I know it all got fucked up after that night."

She shakes her head. "You're it for me Dean, don't you get that?"

"Yeah," He tilts his head to hears and breathes in softly. His hand creeps to her stomach, absently touching the barely there bump. "You don't look five months pregnant."

Lila laughs, letting her hands fall from him. She pulls a picture from her inside jacket pocket, the picture she would never admit that she carried everywhere with her. "I was supposed to find out the gender on my next visit..." She whispers, handing it off to him.

He stares at the grainy, black and white photo, his eyes filling with tears. You could just barely make out the little face, little nose and tiny little fist. "Its really a baby huh?" He asks, looking up at her finally.

She nods. "Yeah..."

"Can I keep this?" He asks, holding the photo as if it is made of porcelain.

She nods, feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders...

 _See, that wasn't so bad, was it?_

...

When they walk back into the house everyone starts off in a frenzy, pretending that they wasn't listening to them having a moment.

Life in a fish bowl. Lila thinks, eyeing them.

"I'm really sorry Lila." Pamela says apologetically. "I didn't mean to spill the beans."

She laughs and sighs with relief. "I'm kind of glad you did."

Pamela pats her on the back, "Well then, lets get this show on the road huh?"

"Should I say congrats?" Sam asks, patting Dean on the back as they make their way to the other room.

He smirks. "Thanks Sammy, for everything."

...

There all are seated around the small table that Pamela had laid the cloth over before, which now has six lighted candles in the center. "All Right. Take each others hands." As they all do she continues her instructions "And I need to touch something our mystery monster touched."

Dean looks around, nervous, then takes off his outer shirt, pulls up his left t-shirt sleeve to reveal that mark on his shoulder. Sam stares at it, shocked, looks at Bobby as Pamela lays her hand on it."

"Okay..." All of them close their eyes as she begins to chant, "I invoke, conjure, and command you, appear unto me before this circle. I invoke, conjure, and command you, appear unto me before this circle. I invoke, conjure, and command you, appear unto me before this circle." A television flicks on to static as she continues. "I invoke, conjure, and command... Castiel? No. Sorry, Castiel, I don't scare easy."

"Castiel?" Dean asks, sounding equal parts horrified and confused.

"Its name. It's whispering to me, warning me to turn back." The white noise and static continues, and the table begins to shake. I conjure and command you, show me your face. I conjure and command you, show me your face. I conjure and command you, show me your face. I conjure and command you, show me your face."

The white noise and rattling become more violent and Bobby speaks up. "Maybe we should stop."

"I almost got it." She tells him stubbornly. "I command you, show me your face! Show me your face now!"

And suddenly the candles flare up several feet in the air and Pamela begins to scream. Her eyes fly open and are filled with a white-hot flame. She collapses; the rattling, white noise, and flames die out.

Bobby catches her, lowering her onto the floor. "Call 9-1-1" He yells and Lila is the one who runs off to get the phone.

Dean crouches over them on the floor. She is conscious, but bleeding and burned. Her eyelids fly open to reveal black, empty sockets.

"I can't see! I can't see! Oh god!" She sobs.

And he knows this, is all his fault.


	3. At The Bottom Of Everything

Somewhere Between Raising Hell and Amazing Grace

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

Summary: Suddenly, everything has changed.

Fighting For Nothing  
Chapter Three:  
"At The Bottom Of Everything"

"You're going back to Bobby's." Dean says to her after the ambulance leaves with Pamela.

"The hell I am."

"Yeah, maybe he's right, after that..." Sam's voice trails off and Lila eyes him.

"Look I may be pregnant but I'm not completely worthless, and you two can't tell me what to do." She stomps her foot, which earns her a grin from Dean.

"I really wish I could say I missed your temper tantrums."

"Enough." Bobby says, slamming his car door shut. "Lila you are going back to my house, because whatever this thing is its scary and its dangerous and we can't have Dean distracted worrying about keeping you safe."

All of them stop on a dime.

Bobby was right. Lila knew this, all she was now was a liability and Dean needed to be focused, one hundred percent focused. And that was impossible after the revelation of her carrying his child.

"Fine." Lila breathes, she knew that keeping this baby safe was top priority.

Dean scoffs, looking at her with a bemused smirk. "Seriously?"

She nods. "Don't get used to it though..."

He kisses her goodbye, leaning against the side of the Impala. His hands tangled in her hair and hers knotted in his shirt. "Call me when you get there..." He breathes, pausing for only a second from kissing her...

Lila wraps her arms tightly around him, she did not want to let him go, she didn't want to walk away but she knew she had to. She kisses his cheek and goes to walk away but he catches her arm.

"Hey, I was thinking that maybe we could name her Janis..."

She laughs, going to kiss him again. "I love you Dean."

"I love you too."

…

She thinks maybe it is about time to put that crib up. It has been hiding in the back of one of Bobby's hall closets. She actually smiles at it when she finds it. Freshly painted white, too pretty and perfect to actually be real. It takes her less than an hour to get it all together, and then she just stands there, looking at it, absently stroking her stomach.

Lila never actually thought much about being a mother. Even in the past four months or so she didn't think much about the idea. It wasn't just because Dean was back now and because he knew. She knew that even now she wasn't going to get some fairy tale thing with him. That was a pipe dream.

But she could feel her moving in there and it just sort of reminded her that she wasn't alone. She would never be alone again.

Her momma told her once that she was the best thing that ever happened to her, and she knew that kind of love now. And she was no longer afraid of it.

She was finally embracing it.

They're gone a couple of days, and besides a few phone calls on the landlines Bobby's house is pretty quiet. She almost finds herself becoming bored, antsy, waiting to hear something from them about what was happening, but all she got was Dean asking her if she was okay and Bobby reminding her to take her prenatal vitamins, and Sam telling her to eat something healthy.

And then, someone knocks on the door.

Lila is sitting in front of the television watching the channel going in and out. Her heart nearly leaps right out of her chest. Who in the damn world could be knocking at the door?

Nothing good.

She gets up from her chair and picks up the shotgun Bobby had stashed right next to the recliner. Her feet feel like bricks as she makes her way towards the door. Who ever it is knocks again and she gasps, fumbling with the shotgun.

"Lila!"

She flings the door open and comes face to face with someone she never thought she would see again.

Del Larue.

The shotgun falls between them and Lila throws her arms around her neck. Del pushes her away, holding her at arms length. "Are you mad?" She asks, looking at her disapprovingly. "You're not even going to check if I'm a demon or not?"

She feels foolish, but she was so overcome with excitement that she didn't care. She holds one finger up and makes her way towards the kitchen, leaving Del standing in the doorway. She grabs Bobby's flask of holy water and his silver knife, still left out on the kitchen table from Dean's little tests. She rushes back to the door, holding the knife out to her with a smirk.

"There's my girl." Del says, cutting a thin line along her palm. Lila hands her the holy water and she takes a swig.

"Can I hug you now?"

Del steps inside and the two of them continue to hug.

"How?"

"I was in hiding – after the explosion I made sure you were safe and I vanished. I had to make sure that things were in order..."

"What things?" She asks, pulling away. "Del, its been a year what could possibly take so long to get in order?"

"Lila. I have been watching you for all this time, waiting for a chance to get to you."

"Get to me?"

Del sighs, reaching to touch her face. "I was trying to keep this from happening."

"What?"

Her eyes trail down to her stomach and Lila's hands instinctively cover it. She doesn't like the way Del's eyes are watching her. In an evil, twisted sort of way.

"You were not meant to bare his child."

Lila steps away, the shotgun is too far out of her reach, and the knife in Del's hand is making her nervous. Would Del really hurt her? Del, who was like her second mother?

"Del?"

"I'm sorry baby..." She lunges at her, knife aimed for her stomach.

Lila dodges out of the way and rams her into the wall, running off up the stairs. She opens the halls closet and finds another gun, checking to make sure its loaded, Lila reaches into her back pocket and dials Dean's number.

"How's my girls?" He says sweetly into her ear.

She lets out a breath, hearing the sound of stuff breaking down stairs. The sound of the shotgun cocking does not go unheard by him.

"Whats going on Lila?"

"I need you all to get here as soon as possible okay?"

"Lila," Dean says, his voice growing more frantic. "What's going on?"

"Hurry." She breathes, waiting to hear the sound of footsteps on the stairs. "I don't know exactly what I'm shooting at here." She cradles the phone to her ear with her shoulder, listening to him yelling at Bobby and Sam from the other end. The three of them scrambling. Then she hears the footsteps.

"I love you Dean." She says, letting the phone fall to the floor.

"I don't want to do this." Del – or whatever the hell it is calls up the stairs. Her voice sends a chill down her spine. "I really don't want to hurt you... but that thing inside of you is an abomination."

Angrily Lila kicks the phone down the hall, causing Del to charge up the stairs. The knife out in front of her. She spots Lila at the other end of the hall, and she smiles a sad sort of smile. "This is what your momma warned you about."

"Don't you dare bring her up to me. How would she feel seeing you doing this."

Del scoffs, twirling the knife around. "Lila honey, she would do it herself if she was alive."

Her stomach knots up, and she holds the shotgun out, aiming it right at her chest.

"You gonna kill your other momma too?"

The sound of the gun firing makes her jump, even though she pulled the damn trigger. This thing might not be Del, but it wore her face, it sounded like her, and Lila didn't want to hurt her. The bullet lodges itself in her shoulder, and the knife falls to the ground.

"Ahh." She yells, falling forward, onto her knees.

Lila rushes over, kicking the knife out of her reach. She points the shotgun at her face, but both of them know that she won't pull that trigger again. "You're going to regret this." Del hisses at her, and in the next breath Lila hits her in the face with the butt of the shotgun, successfully knocking her out.

…

Everything is closing in on him as he makes his way up the steps of Bobby's porch. The door is wide open and on his way upstairs he finds that things have been broken and turned over, and then he sees the blood. So much blood, too much blood and all the feeling drains from his body.

"Lila!" He yells, feeling like he might be sick.

She comes out of the bathroom, blood covered shirt, eyes full of tears. And the two of them fall into each other.

"Are you okay? Is the baby okay? Who's blood..."

Lila pulls away, looking at him. "Del's."

"But Del died in that explosion."

She nods. "Well she's tied up in the bathroom right now." Her voice is wavering. "She... she was trying to kill the baby Dean..."

Sam and Bobby make their way upstairs and both of them looked relieved to see her.

"Bobby, go check out what we got going on in the bathroom. I'm gonna get her cleaned up."

"She's human," Lila says, looking at them with tears in her eyes. "I did every test, she's not a monster."

"She tried to kill you." Dean says angrily.

Lila nods. "Yeah, but I think its some kind of spell or something. Del... Del wouldn't do this."

Sam touches her arm, trying to calm her, all of this stress it wasn't good for the baby. "Its okay Lila, just go get cleaned up. We won't do anything until we know for sure okay?" He takes the shotgun from her shaking hands and guides her along with his brother towards the stairs.

Dean half carries her down the stairs. He doesn't speak as he helps her into the bathroom, sliding her shirt off. There was so much blood, and he was just thankful that none of it appeared to be hers. He turns on the sink and lets the water warm up.

"I shouldn't have let you go."

"Don't blame yourself for this one please."

He guides her hands to the hot water, pausing when he sees his bracelet on her wrist. He smirks, playing with the beads absently. "Looks better on you."

Lila's eyes meet his. "I am so stupid Dean."

He waits for her to continue.

"I let her in, I was just so happy to see her. I thought that maybe everything was going back to normal. I thought that I was getting back a little bit of happiness... I was so fucking stupid."

"Hey," he says to her softly, rinsing the blood from her hands. "You're not stupid."

Her dark eyes meet his and she looks on the verge of tears. "I didn't want to have this baby," She admits, looking away from him for a long second. "I hated it, I hated it because all I wanted was you..."

"Lila..."

"No." She sobs. "I thought that this baby was going to be the worst thing that ever happened to me, a reminder of you, a piece of you when all I wanted to do was forget you ever existed..." She grabs his hands, and brings them out of the hot water. "But when her life was threatened, when Del told me that she was an abomination I knew that even though I didn't want her just a week ago that I loved her. I loved her and I wasn't going to ever let anything bad happen to her."

Dean pulls her in close, smoothing her hair down and letting her cry on his chest. He hated that she suffered, that she had to live with this possibility of facing her entire life without him.

"What do you think she meant?" She asks suddenly, looking at him with terror filled eyes. "Do you think our baby is evil?"

"Hey" He catches her face in his hands, makes her look at him. "I don't care what she said, that baby, our baby. She is a miracle. She's going to be the one good thing in this fucked up world..."

Someone knocks on the door and Dean clears his throat, sliding his flannel off and handing it to her. "Give us a second."

"Yeah," Sam says from the other side of the door.

Lila slides his shirt on and starts buttoning it up. Then Dean opens up the door.

"We got a problem..." Sam says, looking between the two of them.

"Of course." Dean says, reaching for Lila's hand as they make their way out of the small bathroom.

Halfway up the stairs they hear her screaming. Lila takes off from them and bursts through the door, to find Bobby trying to get the bullet out of Del's arm. Her dark eyes are tightly shut, her dark skin covered in sweat.

Dean catches up with her, looking at her with a grimace.

"What's going on?"

"Lilith." Sam says, "She sent Del here to kill the baby."

His hand finds hers and their fingers lace together instinctively.

Del yells out a string of curse words. "Get that thing out of here!" She says, eyes boring into Lila. "It hurts." Dean leads her out of the bathroom and shuts the door behind them.

"Lilith?"

He nods. "We got that much out of her."

"So its really Del?"

Sam nods, "as far as we can tell. Its like she's been brainwashed or something. She thinks the baby is evil."

Lila squeezes Dean's hand for comfort.

"She must had been captured this whole time, its the only thing that makes sense." Sam says, looking at her with apologetic eyes. "She seems to only react when the baby is around..."

"Great." Dean scoffs.

"Is that all she said?" Lila asks.

Sam nods.

"So what are we going to do?"

"We can't just keep her tied up like that." Lila says, looking between the two of them.

"No," Sam says, "but we have to find some way to break this compulsion she seems to be under."

Lila lets out a sound of defeat. "We need a witch."

Dean lets out a noise of disgust from the back of his throat. "Let me guess, you know one?"

She nods. "Yeah, I know one."

"What's with that look?" Dean questions.

"We kind of had a falling out a few years back..."

"Over what?"

"Some guy..."

Dean scoffs. "Who?"

She smirks. "Does it matter?"

He nods vehemently.

"It was a long time ago Dean, I was young and I was kind of broken up over you leaving me and I was in a very committed relationship with Jack Daniels." She pushes her hair back out of her face and looks up at him. "I didn't even really like the guy."

"Okay..."

"Feel better?"

Dean nods.

"Okay, great. I'm going to see if I can find her number and you two clean this mess up." She orders, turning on her heel to leave them gaping after her.

…

Sasha Van Treese had not heard from Lila in almost five years. So when she answered her phone and heard her ex-friend's voice she was not thrilled.

"Give me a second to explain."

"Why should I?"

"Because you're the only person I know that can help me..." She tells her desperately.

Sasha flips her long blond hair and gets up from her desk. She had given up most of her practicing and settled for a job in the front office of a construction company. She was done with hunters and anything demonic. She was trying to be normal.

And Lila Dawson popping up meant that whole chapter of her life that she was trying to forget was trying to come back.

"Look. You don't think I know what you're involved in right now Lila? You're with the Winchester's and I refuse to let myself get involved in that level of shit."

Lila sighs. "Its Del." She says softly, her voice is so different than she remembered, for one she was sober, and for two she just seemed calmer, less erratic and unstable. And Del Larue was someone who looked out for the both of them at one time. Letting them waitress and crash in her apartment for free, always kind and always making her laugh.

"What's the matter with Del?"

"She's under some kind of mind compulsion, and she's trying to kill me."

Sasha scoffs. "Kill you? Why would she be trying to do that?"

"I'm pregnant."

"With a Winchester baby?" She puts her head into her hands and lets out a long breath. "Lila how could you let this happen?"

"Can I ask you why everyone seems to be so against them? They're my family and you know what, if you think that then fuck you Sasha I don't need your help."

"Wait." She says, cutting her off.

Despite their differences Lila was her friend, her best friend, and she couldn't just let her hang up.

"Will you just apologize for sleeping with Tyler, I mean just admit you were wrong and I'll help."

Simple enough.

"Are you fucking kidding me Sasha?"

There was that Lila she knew and loved. "You never could admit when you were wrong."

"Fine." She seethes and Sasha knows that her friend is on the other end of the phone with a pained expression. "I'm sorry I slept with Tyler. It was wrong, and I was a bad friend... Happy now?"

She laughs. "Oh yeah, that will give me a lifetime of satisfaction."

"Awesome. I will text you the address."

"Okay." She stops, mulling it over. "And Lila. I also want five thousand dollars cash. My services aren't fucking free, friend or not."

"Fine." She scoffs. Hanging up the phone. Leaving her with nothing but a dial tone.

…

Sam opens the door, and his eyes scan over the girl holding a metal briefcase, she looked like something out of a James Bond movie.

"You must be Dean."

He scoffs, "No. I'm Sam."

"Hmm." She tilts her head to the side and watches him. "Must be a really good gene pool then."

Sam steps aside and lets her walk in, she bypasses the devil's trap on the ceiling and walks right on into the kitchen. Dean is sitting at the kitchen table flipping aimlessly through a magazine that Bobby took from Lila's doctors office. He looked utterly bored.

"This is Sasha." Sam says, raising an eyebrow at his brother.

Dean smirks. "Hi, I'm Dean."

She nods, tilting her head to the side. "I see it now." She sits her case on the table and eyes him. "So where is my dear old friend Lila."

"Bathroom." Dean says, but as he does it Lila comes into the room, her dark eyes widen at the sight of her old friend.

"You look good Sasha."

She smirks. "You've gained a little weight... and you still have that same hair cut?"

"Now that you mention it you're roots are growing in a little, might be time for a touch up."

"Okay..." Dean says, standing up, trying to deflect this female rage that was filling the room. "Let's get this started."

"I want my payment first." Sasha says, eyes flickering to Lila.

Lila crosses her arms over her chest. "You'll get it after you help Del. How do I know what you're going to do is even going to work?"

"Still got those trust issues, aye?"

"Look. I'll give you half of it now and the other half after you do the spell. Deal?"

Sasha nods, opening her briefcase up to reveal its full of herbs. "Get me a bowl and," She looks at Sam, "A beer would be nice too handsome."

Lila scoffs, opening the cabinet and getting her a big bowl down. "I'll go get your money."

…

"You two seem to get along pretty well." Dean says, smiling at Lila from the other side of the hallway.

She rolls her eyes. "Believe it or not we used to be best friends."

"Until you slept with her boyfriend?"

Lila sighs, leaning her head back against the wall. "Yeah."

"It seems like there is a little more than that going on."

She eyes him. "Yeah, well no relationship is perfect right? Friendships are complicated. Ours is no exception."

He walks over to her, tucking a loose piece of hair behind her ear. "You look really good in my shirt by the way."

Lila smirks. "Stop trying to make me feel better."

Dean shrugs, "I was reading in that magazine downstairs that the baby can hear pretty much everything..."

"Yeah?"

He tilts his head closer to her, whispering as he speaks. "It also said that you can play it music and stuff..."

"You wanna play her some Zeppelin?"

He smirks. "Joplin too, give her a chance to pick which one she likes better."

"If she's a smart girl she'll go with Janis."

"No comment."

"Did you mean it when you said we should name her that?"

Dean chuckles. "Of course not."

Lila laughs. God, he missed that sound. He missed everything about her. And yeah now was not the time or the place to think about it but he needed to be closer to her, he needed to kiss and touch every part of her... He presses his lips into her neck, and she relaxes against him.

"I know everything is fucked right now..." She breathes, "But I am just glad that you're here with me again."

"Me too." He leans in to kiss her and the bathroom door flies open. Del is being held up by Sam and Bobby, and they lead her into the spare bedroom. The two of them separate. Lila's eyes go straight to Sasha's.

"She'll be okay." She holds her hand out, its covered in blood. "I'll take the rest of my money and be on my way."

Lila rolls her eyes and pulls a wad of cash out of her pocket. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it." She says, counting through the bills without looking up from them.

"I know it was just for shits and giggles but I really meant that apology earlier."

Sasha looks up at her, eyes almost apologetic. "Thanks Lila... and I'm sorry for what I said about you being fat."

She rolls her eyes. "Get out of here bitch."

…

After the dust settled and the boys had retired to the living room with a bottle of scotch Lila walks into the room that Del is sleeping in. She eases her way towards the bed, still a little weary of her.

"I won't bite." She coughs, "Or try to stab you."

Lila laughs. "I missed you Del."

"I missed you too honey."

She takes her hand, brushing her hand over her forehead. "I'm sorry for whatever that demon did to you."

"Now, now, its not your fault honey. None of this is your fault."

The tears slide down her cheeks despite the statement. It was like when you told a child a shot wouldn't hurt, it was just a lie, just something to coddle them.

"You love that boy and he loves you. And so many evil things will try to use that against you, but you can't let it make you weak. You can't let it change the way you feel."

Lila nods, leaning down to kiss her hand. "Who are you and what have you done with my Del?"

She laughs, which makes her wince in pain. "I've always spoken the truth to you Lila. You are my child despite the blood and the lack of pigment in your skin." She smiles. "I love you honey. I love that baby too, and I am so sorry that I said those things to you about it. I will never forgive myself for being so weak minded."

"It wasn't your fault Del."

"Hush and let me apologize so I can rest at night."

Lila smirks.

"The thing is Lila, your momma was wrong all those years ago. Dean Winchester isn't going to be your demise. He is going to be your salvation..."


	4. Lifetime Piling Up

Somewhere Between Raising Hell and Amazing Grace

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

Summary: Inevitably, trouble always finds them.

Fighting For Nothing  
Chapter Four:  
"Lifetime Piling Up"

He can't sleep, so he finds himself out on Bobby's porch looking down at the picture that Lila had given him a few days ago.

His daughter.

And it still felt fucking weird to think that he was actually going to be a dad. It scared the shit out of him when he thought about it too much. But when he looks at the picture of his little girl everything else just ceased to matter...

He hears the door creak open and he doesn't have to look up to know its her. The air around him just changes when she's near, like it get easier to breathe.

"Can't sleep either?" She asks, letting the door shut behind her.

"No." He says, turning around the smirk at her.

Lila sits on the step next to him, wrapping her sweater tighter around herself. "I was laying there listening to Sam snore and I realized that I never asked you about what happened after I left you guys. I assume y'all figured out what it was?"

Dean nods, sliding the picture into his pocket. "It was an angel."

She scoffs. But the serious look on his face doesn't falter. "You're serious?"

He nods, lacing his fingers with hers.

"I didn't even think they existed."

"Yeah, me either."

Lila mulls it over, he can almost see the wheels turning in her brain. "You were pulled from hell by an angel?"

He shrugs. "That's what he claims to be."

She lets out a long breath.

"Bobby's pulling all the lore he has and we're gonna research it some more tomorrow." He chuckles. "We all decided to sleep on it."

"So much for that one."

He sighs. "I was just out here thinking about the baby," he touches her stomach softly, letting his fingers flutter across her skin. "Can you feel it? I mean is she movin in there?"

Lila chuckles. "Yeah she's been moving like crazy all day. I think she knows she's missing all the excitement."

He smirks up at her, then leans in close to her stomach and whispers. "Hey little one. Your daddy's here, and he can't wait to meet you."

She grabs his hand, pressing it to the spot she feels her moving in. Its just a flutter, butterfly wings, she isn't sure he would even feel it.

"Is she moving?"

Lila nods. "I guess she's still too small for you to feel her."

He sighs. "I guess we should talk about some stuff, like what we're going to do when she finally gets here."

"We still have four months."

Dean lets out a breath. "I just want to have this all figured out. I don't want you worrying about it. Stress is bad for the baby."

She catches his face between her hands and kisses him softly. "Trust me Dean, I'm fine. She's fine. And whatever obstacles come our way we'll face them, together. Its more than I had a week ago and way more than I could have ever hoped for..."

He kisses her this time, deepening it, letting himself melt into her.

"Do you have your keys?" She asks, pulling away only to kiss down his neck.

"Yeah," He breathes out, confused. "Why?"

Lila pulls away and raises her eye brows.

"Yeah..." He chuckles, fishing them out of his pockets.

She stands up, holding her hand out to him. He takes it and follows him towards the car.

…

Bobby is sitting at his desk with a pile of books in front of him. Sam is sitting in a chair in the opposite corner talking to Dean, who is standing.

"Well, then tell me what else it could be."

"Look, all I know is I was not groped by an angel..."

Lila rolls her eyes, pouring herself a coffee.

Sam's eyes widen. "Coffee isn't good for the baby."

"Neither is me kicking you in the nads..."

Dean smirks at her, and him and Sam continue their debate.

"Okay, look, Dean. Why do you think this Castiel would lie to you about it?"

"Maybe he's some kind of demon. Demons lie." Dean scoffs, stealing a drink of her coffee. He could still picture her from the night before, he was glad that they did choose to _reunite_ in the Impala because she had been screaming so loud.

He really hated to have to tell her to be quiet.

Bobby looks up from his books at the them with disapproval.

"A demon who's immune to salt rounds and devil's traps... and Ruby's knife? Dean, Lilith is scared of that thing!" Sam tells him, his voice growing more angry.

Dean, pushes off the counter, standing over Sam with his arms crossed. "Don't you think that if angels were real, that some hunter somewhere would have seen one... at some point... ever?"

"Yeah." Sam tells him. "You just did, Dean."

"I'm trying to come up with a theory here. Okay? Work with me." He scoffs, eyeing his brother angrily.

"Dean, we have a theory."

"Yeah, one with a little less fairy dust on it, please..." He steals another drink of her coffee, which earns him an elbow in the ribs.

"Okay, look. I'm not saying we know for sure. I'm just saying that I think we -"

"Okay, okay. That's the point. We don't know for sure, so I'm not gonna believe that this thing is a freaking Angel of the Lord because it says so!"

"You two chuckle heads want to keep arguing religion, or do you want to come take a look at this?" Bobby chimes in from the other room.

They both walk over to Bobby's desk. And Lila opens up a box of cereal, digging out the marshmallows from the lucky charms. It peeved Bobby off so that's one of the reasons she always did it. It had become a part of her morning routine.

"I got stacks of lore - Biblical, pre-Biblical. Some of it's in damn cuneiform. It all says an angel can snatch a soul from the pit."

"What else?"

"What else, what?" Bobby glares at him

"What else could do it?"

"As far as I can tell, nothing."

"Dean, this is good news." Sam says.

"How?"

"Because for once, this isn't just another round of demon crap. I mean, maybe you were saved by one of the good guys, you know?"

"Okay. Say it's true. Say there are angels. Then what? There's a God?"

Lila groans from the kitchen. It was too fucking early for this crap. She wanted to go back to sleep but they had taken over her bedroom, so she sits the box of cereal on the counter and decides to go check on Del. Maybe she can squeeze in the bed with her...

"At this point, Vegas money's on yeah."

"I don't know, guys." Dean says, not sounding convinced.

"Look, I know you're not all choirboy about this stuff, but this is becoming less and less about faith and more and more about proof."

He scoffs. "Proof?"

"Yes."

"Proof that there's a God out there that actually gives a crap about me personally? I'm sorry, but I'm not buying it."

"Why not?" Sam asks, looking at him like he was telling him that the sky had turned purple over night.

"Because why me? If there is a God out there, why would he give a crap about me?"

"Dean -"

"I mean, I've saved some people, okay? I figured that made up for the stealing and the ditching chicks. But why do I deserve to get saved? I'm just a regular guy."

"Apparently, you're a regular guy that's important to the man upstairs." Sam tells him.

"Well, that creeps me out. I mean, I don't like getting singled out at birthday parties, much less by... God." He almost chokes on the word.

"Well, too bad, Dean, because I think he wants you to strap on your party hat." Sam tells him with a smirk.

"Fine. What do we know about angels?" Dean asks Bobby, he is tired of arguing with Sam so he will humor him, but only for a while.

Bobby picks up a pile of fat and weighty looking books and puts them in front of him. "Start reading." He deadpans.

Dean looks at the pile of books, and turns towards Sam. "You're gonna get me some pie." He says, pointing a finger at him accusingly. Then he grabs a book from the top of the pile and sits down at the kitchen table and starts reading. Sam nods, and grabs his keys, making his way out of the house without another word.

And Bobby makes himself a bowl of cereal.

Dean had learned a very long time ago not to make fun of Bobby's love of Lucky Charms.

"Dammit Lila." He scoffs, pouring milk into is bowl.

"Whats the matter Bobby."

"She eats all the marshmallows." He scoffs, angrily going back to his desk with his bowl of cereal. Dean chuckles and goes back to reading through the book.

…

Del is re-wrapping her arm when Lila comes up stairs. Her dark eyes are somewhere far off and Lila hovers in the doorway, waiting.

"I'm heading out soon." She tells her. "Its not really safe for me to be here..."

"Is it safe for me?"

Del smirks. "They won't let anything happen to you, and you certainly are capable of protecting yourself, my shoulder will vouch for that."

"Sorry about that again."

She shakes her head, sliding her flannel back on. "I'm not."

Lila sits down on the edge of her bed and looks up at her. "You really can't stay?"

"Those things that took me, they're gonna come looking for me and I need to be as far away from you as I can get."

She knows Del's right, but it doesn't hurt any less. "I just thought..."

"Honey... nothing can ever go back to the way it was before. You of all people know that we can't really go back."

Lila absently strokes her stomach, baby girl was in full force today. "I just thought now that you were alive you could... we could..." She takes a deep breath. "What if I can't do this Del? What if I am just this horrible mother."

"Oh honey," Del touches her face, "You are going to be a great mother, you had a really good teacher." She wipes the tears from her cheeks and looks right into her eyes. "I know you don't believe this honey but your momma is watching over you, and she would be so proud of what you've become."

"That's hard to believe."

Del kisses her forehead. "I hate the way that things ended for the two of you, but you have to stop blaming yourself for it. You have to remember that no matter what your momma would have stuck by your side, she was just stubborn."

Lila nods. "Thank you Del."

"And remember, I won't be too far away. I'll find a way to see you... the both of you."

She leaves not long after that and Lila changes the sheets and opens the windows, letting the sunshine in and trying to have a normal day... but that was nearly impossible when you hang out with Winchester's.

Dean comes up stairs not long after she has fallen asleep. She can feel the bed move and him slide in behind her wrapping his arms around her. He says something about Bobby and Sam checking on some other hunters Bobby knew, but she barely hears him. The bed is so warm and cozy and its just nice to lay with him.

He smells so nice.

She rolls over so she is facing him and he is already drifting off to sleep.

Dean opens his eyes and she is smirking at him.

"Did I hear you say we had the house to ourselves?"

He chuckles, "Yeah, I guess we do..."

Lila leans in and kisses his neck, her hands pulling his shirt over his head. Something catches his eye over her shoulder, and at first he thinks that he's dreaming when she sees her mother standing behind in the doorway.

Dean stops, pushing her away from him and rising up in the bed.

Arlene Dawson smirks at him. "Didn't I tell you to stay away from my daughter?"

The sound that escapes Lila scares the shit out of him. "Momma?"

"Hi babygirl." She steps into the room, she looked the same way she did that day, that last day, and Lila cannot believe it. "You two." She clicks her tongue. "You two just don't fucking listen do you..."

…

They find nothing but carnage at Bobby's friend's house. It was a brutal death, definitely caused by some evil spirit. Sam is watching the EMF meter go haywire and Bobby is on the phone, leaving a voicemail for yet another hunter. When he snaps his phone shut he has a pained look on his face.

"I don't have a good feeling about this." Bobby tells him.

Sam nods, turning the EMF off. "Whatever this is, it seems like its targeting hunters."

"I've got a few more people to call, you check on Dean and Lila, tell them to keep their eyes open just in case something happens,"

Neither of them wanted to think about what might happen.

But Sam knew that the two of them would do just about anything to keep the other one safe. Its partially why he was so worried about them.

The two of them waste little time, jumping into Bobby's car and driving back towards Souix Falls. Bobby is driving, and Sam is in the passenger seat on the phone.

"Damn it, Dean. Pick up!" He says into the phone like his brother might actually hear him.

Bobby sighs. "We can't assume the worst right now, Sam, the two of them are probably just asleep."

Sam forces a smirk as Bobby pulls into a service station.

"Just keep trying while I get some gas. Their fine." He says, making his way into the gas station.

He nods, opening the car door and walking to the restroom while the gas is pumping. He calls him one more time before he gets another voicemail.

He can't assume the worst right now.

And as he is washing his hands in the bathroom, he breathes out and his breath is visible. The bathroom mirror covers with foggy mist, which Sam wipes away with his hand. He is startled to see a familiar face staring back at him.

"Hi, Sam. It's been a while." Victor Henriksen says to him with a smirk.

"Are you - Did you..."

"I didn't survive... if that's what you're asking." He says stepping a little closer to him.

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are." Henriksen says with a nod

Sam takes a deep breath, "Look, if we'd known Lilith was coming -"

"You wouldn't have left half a dozen innocent people in that police station to die in your place. You did this to me. It was your fault. She was after you, and I paid the price. You left us there to die!"

He grabs him hard, and throws him around, knocking him into a row of lockers that line the bathroom wall. That's when Sam notices a small brand on Henricksen's hand. Then Sam is thrown against the mirrors and he knocks Sam's head on the sink so hard he thinks he is going to pass out, but he fights against the darkness pulling at the sides of his vision. Bobby bursts through the bathroom door and shoots at the ghost, who disappears in a puff of gray smoke.

Bobby helps him up and they make their way to his car, he gets him into the front seat and he takes off like a bat out of hell.

Now it was time to worry.

"How you feeling, huh?" Bobby asks, looking over at him, letting his phone fall from his ear without bothering to hang it up. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"None." He deadpans. "I'll be fine."

"Henriksen?" Bobby asks, sounding confused. "The guy who busted the two of you way back when?"

"Yep."

"What did he want?" Bobby asks, they were close and he was starting to get antsy.

"Revenge, 'cause we got him killed."

"All right. Stop right there. Whatever the hell is going on, it's happening to us now, okay? I can't get a hold of Dean or Lila, so if you're not thinking answers, don't think at all. You got it boy?"

…

Dean's hands tighten on Lila's arm as he pushes her behind himself, reaching for the shotgun he brought upstairs with him. Arlene steps closer to them, her eyes on her daughter.

She chuckles. "You think you can protect her?"

"Come on Arlene, why you doing this?"

"Because. She never fucking listens to me!" She yells.

Lila lets out another small noise, and it breaks his fucking heart.

"I wanted her to be normal. I wanted her to have a shot at a good life, and she's here wasting it with you..." She edges in closer and Dean searches the room for something to use. He takes a step backwards, pushing Lila with him.

"But look at her now, my baby girl. Knocked up by some deadbeat hunter who will always care more about the job than he does her. Sound familiar baby?"

Lila steps out from behind him, "I'm not you, and I never will be." She reaches underneath the bed and pulls out a crowbar, and swings it right through her mom who disappears into a cloud of smoke.

"What the fuck?" She says, looking at him.

He lets out a deep breath. "Come on, we need to get some salt. I got to make sure she can't get to you."

Lila nods, following out of the room. But on there way out something pushes her and she goes tumbling forward and lands on her stomach in the hallway.

Everything kind of happens really fast after that.

A young woman with shoulder-length brown hair appears behind him. As he helps a gasping Lila up from the floor. "I'm okay." She says, reassuringly but his gut is in knots. She fell right on her stomach, and all he was worried about was their baby.

"Go down stairs, get inside a circle of salt."

"I'm not leaving you." She tells him, reaching to take his hand.

"Lila, get your ass downstairs right now and keep both of you safe."

She doesn't argue with him, but there is a hard set to her jaw as she takes the crowbar from him and rushes away from him.

"Dean Winchester. Still so bossy. You don't recognize me?"

Its her voice that brings him back. That very first demon that seemed to lead them into all kinds of trouble.

"This is what I looked like before that demon cut off my hair and dressed me like a slut.

"Meg?"

"Hi. It's okay, I'm not a demon."

"You're the girl the demon possessed." He says, standing up

"Meg Masters. Nice to finally talk to you when I'm not, you know, choking on my own blood." She holds her hands up, backing up. "It's okay. Seriously, I'm just a college girl. Sorry - was. I was walking home one night and got jumped by all this smoke. Next thing you know, I'm a prisoner..." She points to her head. "in here. Now, I was awake. I had to watch while she murdered people."

"I'm sorry." He tells her, and he really means it.

"Oh, yeah? So sorry you had me thrown off a building?"

"Well, we thought -"

"No, you didn't think! I kept waiting, praying! I was trapped in there screaming at you! "Just help me, please!" You're supposed to help people, Dean. Why didn't you help me?"

"I'm sorry." He says again, this time more feeling.

"Stop saying you're sorry!" She yells slapping him and knocking him to the floor.

"Meg. Meg..."

But she kicks him in the gut unrelenting.

"We didn't know." He coughs when she stops, rolling over on his back to face her.

"No... You just attacked. Did you ever think there was a girl in here? No. You just charged in, slashing and burning. You think you're some kind of hero?"

It hurts, because he is the exact opposite of a hero. "No, I don't."

Meg grabs hold of Dean's shirt, making him look at her, thats when he notices the brand on her hand has a brand on it.

"You're damn right. Do you have any idea what it's like to be ridden for months by pure evil... while your family has no idea what happened to you?"

"We did the best we could."

She shoves him back and kicks him again.

Downstairs Lila can hear all the commotion going on. She is standing in a circle of salt watching her mother pace back and forth around her.

"This is all your fault. All of this! You brought those monsters into our house, you trusted them. You got me killed."

"I'm sorry momma." She says, on the verge of tears. She needed to make sure that Dean was okay. It was all she was worried about...

"You fell upstairs." Arlene says in a sing song voice. "And you can't feel her moving in there anymore huh? You won't admit it but you feel weird, you feel like somethings wrong..."

"Yeah." Lila spits. "My dead mother is just a ghost trying to kill me, nothing wrong with that at all."

Arlene smirks. "You always were a smart ass, you got it from your daddy, its one of the things I hated most about him..."

She hears more banging upstairs, and then she hears the gun go off.

And everything stops for a split second.

Then he swings the fire poker through Arlene and she disappears again.

Fuck the circle of salt, she thinks as she throws her arms around him. That's when the front door flies open and Bobby and Sam come in, guns out and ready.

"Bout damn time you showed up." Dean says, lifting up from Lila's hair for only a brief second.

…

The four of them are all in the study, Lila is still holding onto the crowbar for dear life and Dean has now traded him bullets for salt rounds. Bobby was looking through some of his lore books and Sam was helping.

"So, they're all people we know?"

"Not just know. People we couldn't save. Hey, I saw something on Meg. Did she have a tattoo when she was alive?"

Sam shakes his head. "I don't think so."

"It was like a-a mark on her hand - almost like a brand."

"I saw a mark, too, on Henriksen.

"What did it look like?"

Sam reaches for piece of paper and starts sketching what he saw. Lila looks up at Dean, her eyes are worried.

"You feeling okay?"

She nods. "I'm fine, don't worry."

Dean nods, looking back at Sam just in time for him to hold the drawing up. "That's it."

"I may have seen this before. We got to move." Bobby says, slamming his book shut and rising up from his desk. "Follow me."

"Okay, where are we going?"

"Some place safe, you idiot."

Bobby picks up some books and leads them all to a room in the basement, which is made entirely of iron and covered with pentagrams and Devil's traps.

"Bobby, is this..." Sam asks looking around in awe.

"Solid iron. Completely coated in salt. 100% ghost-proof."

"You built a panic room?" He asks, an amazed smile on his face.

Bobby shrugs. "I had a weekend off. And I figured Lila might need a place to hide from time to time."

Lila scoffs. "I told him that we wouldn't need this, guess I'm eating my words now."

"Bobby." Dean says proudly.

"What?"

"You're awesome."

They all busy themselves making salt and iron rounds, Dean is watching Lila closely, still not convinced that she is completely okay. Bobby is flipping through his book and Sam is so focused on the task at hand no one is speaking. He hates how quiet it is...

"See, this is why I can't get behind God."

"What are you talking about?" Lila scoffs. She was not ready for another philosophical debate.

"If he doesn't exist, fine. Bad crap happens to good people. That's how it is. There's no rhyme or reason - just random, horrible, evil - I get it, okay. I can roll with that. But if he is out there, what's wrong with him? Where the hell is he while all these decent people are getting torn to shreds? How does he live with himself? You know, why doesn't he help?"

"I ain't touching this one with at 10-foot pole." Bobby chimes in, not looking up from his book.

Lila stands up, walking over to him. He seems tense, more than usual. "I thought today might be a normal day." She whispers, touching his back softly. She starts helping him make salt rounds and he smirks at her.

Every time he looks at her he just pictures her falling, over and over again. "I'm sorry I keep getting you into this crap."

Lila rolls her eyes. "Please. Stop. Everything bad that happens to us is not your fault Dean."

He smirks at her, leaning in to kiss her softly. "Promise me your okay."

"Yes." She says, but her eyes won't meet him and he will try not to think about how that isn't a good sign.

"Found it." Bobby announces. "The symbol you saw - the brand on the ghosts its the Mark of the Witness."

"Witness?" Sam asks confused. "Witness to what?"

"The unnatural. None of them died what you'd call ordinary deaths. See, these ghosts - they were forced to rise. They woke up in agony. They were like rabid dogs. It ain't their fault. Someone rose them... on purpose."

"Who?"

"Do I look like I know? But whoever it was used a spell so powerful it left a mark, a brand on their souls. Whoever did this had big plans. It's called "the rising of the witnesses." It figures into an ancient prophecy." Bobby explains to them, and the mood in the room falls even further. This whole thing just got deeper and deeper.

"Wait, wait. What - what book is that prophecy from?" Sam asks him.

"Well, the widely distributed version's just for tourists, you know. But long story short - Revelations. This is a sign."

"A sign of what?" Lila asks, hand absently brushing her stomach.

"The apocalypse."


	5. The Places You Have Come To Fear The Mos

Somewhere Between Raising Hell and Amazing Grace

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

A/N: I just want to apologize for this chapter being so short I am getting writers block and I wanted to post you guys a chapter before work tonight. I will try to post something tonight when I get off and if not tomorrow for sure.

Summary: Things are gonna get worse before they get better...

Fighting For Nothing  
Chapter Five:  
"The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most"

"You're staying here." Dean tells her angrily. "And you're not going to argue with me about it."

Lila scoffs, looking up at him. "I can help."

"Yeah, help by sitting your pretty little ass in that chair and not moving."

Sam clears his throat and Lila scowls at him.

"You already fell once, and these ghosts, their relentless and I need to make sure you're safe. The both of you."

And she can't really argue with that.

So they all go upstairs and she locks the panic room door behind them and she is forced to listen to the noise without knowing what is happening. It is maddening and she felt like she couldn't breathe.

Anxiety sets in after about five minutes.

Every possible bad thing that she could think of is rolling through her head on an endless loop and it all comes back to one thing. Her baby, her baby who hasn't moved since she fell on the floor, her baby who was a freaking gymnast earlier in the day.

Her baby who she already fucking failed before she even had a chance to see the light of day.

She is full on crying when Dean bangs on the door, and it takes everything in her to open it. He looks so afraid when he sees her. Not used to this whole Lila and crying thing. And that's how he knows something is wrong with her.

...

Lila just wanted a normal day.

But trouble followed them where ever they went, It was like they were a fucking beacon for bad things...

But this?

This was just unfair.

No one deserved this...

He is sitting in the chair next to her bed, his head in his hand, his eyes focused on the tile floor. And they had been in this place before, her hurt, him blaming himself. Would this time end any differently.

Would history really repeat itself with this type of vengeance?

"Its taking too long." She says impatiently.

Dean looks over at her, reaching for her hand but she pulls it away.

"I'm scared, Dean."

He knows, he was scared too. Petrified. He felt like the world was spinning around him, slowly going down the drain. And he knows that he should expect the worse, what else could he expect? He's Dean fucking Winchester and everything bad happens to him.

What made this any different...

He takes her head between his hands and presses his forehead to hers. "I'm here. Don't be afraid..."

Someone knocks on the door, a doctor wheels in an ultrasound machine smiling happily at them. Neither of them return it.

"I'm Dr. Wallace. Sorry I took so long they had to call me in from home..."

Lila nods, reaching for Dean's hand and squeezing it. "Its okay, just please tell me if she's okay."

He nods, hooking the machine into the wall and sitting on a small black stool. "You fell huh?" He asks, as the machine hums to life. "My wife she fell when she was pregnant with our first son. Nearly gave me a heart attack." He raises her gown up and puts the jelly on the end of the wand.

"Was your son okay?" Dean asks him.

"Of course. He was born nine pounds, seven ounces. Biggest one we had."

Lila forces a small smile her fingers tightening in Dean's hand. "I'm glad to hear that."

It seems like he moves the wand all around her stomach before that heartbeat starts pulsing through the room. A sound that made both their hearts skip a beat.

She was okay...

"There she is." He tells them happily. "Believe it or not, she probably didn't even notice that you fell. She is very protected in there."

Dean lets out a sigh of relief and rests his head on their intertwined hands.

"She probably just took a little nap..." He says, smiling at them. "And everything looks good to me." He shuts the machine off, wiping Lila's stomach with a warm towel and then the wand. "But if you do feel any cramps or experience any bleeding call your doctor immediately, other than that your baby girl is happy and healthy in there."

Dean looks up at him. He really did just want to kiss this guy, but he settles for kissing Lila.

"Thank you." She says, looking up at him herself. "I was so worried."

"This stuff happens Mrs. Winchester. All new mothers go through these things." He stands up, wheeling the machine towards the door. "You folks have a good night..." He tells them, shutting the door behind himself.

Dean swallows, looking at her. "Did he call you Mrs. Winchester."

She nods. "I put that name on all my papers. I wanted the baby to have your last name." She laughs. "I had this whole background story that you died in the war and we were married right before you shipped off. It was a very nice ceremony."

He chuckles, imagining it for a moment, the two of them, married, living a normal life.

"I hope you don't mind."

"No." He smirks, kissing her cheek. "I actually like the way it sounds."

"Well don't go asking me to marry you just cause I'm knocked up. I don't want a pity proposal." She smiles, pulling him into a kiss.

"I love you." He breathes. "I love you more than anything..."

And God she wished she could believe that.

Sure she knows that he loves her. But more than anything? That was a long stretch. There was so many other things that filled Dean Winchester's heart. His brother for one. And she would never in a million years make him feel bad for that one. Sam and Dean, they weren't just brothers, they were separate pieces of the same puzzle. One without the other wasn't the same. She had experienced that from both sides.

Then there was the thing her mother's ghost said to her...

 _Knocked up by some deadbeat hunter who will always care more about the job than he does her._

She couldn't stop thinking about those words, even as they were driving back to Bobby's, is hand holding on to hers tightly. Even as he kisses her with every ounce of tenderness and care that he had inside of him when he tucked her into her bed. Even as he told her once more.

"I love you more than anything Lila Dawson..."

…

Weeks go by like days, more things go wrong, but some things go right. Dean comes back from a job and brings her a bag of pink clothes. Glowing as she looks at each and every outfit, a proud smile on his face. She puts them all into the white dresser that Sam repainted for her one weekend they took off.

She was growing, and when Dean finally felt her kick for the first time Lila knew that this little girl had ruined the tough as nails hunter for the rest of his life.

He talked to her, even when he was just a voice on the other end of the phone, Lila had to put the phone up to her stomach so Dean could coo to his baby girl. She even caught him singing to her a few times.

They went back and forth on names.

And everyone had their opinions. Bobby always suggested old school names like Eliza or Lydia. And Sam's suggestions were always famous authors or poets. Emily, Charlotte, Maya. Then there was Dean suggestions... It of course always had something to do with rock and roll. Layla and Beth and Jett.

But Lila had her own names in mind.

"How about Hope?" She asks him over the phone. She's making herself a salad, because she was trying to eat healthier for this kid.

"Ehh, sounds kind of generic. I really like Layla."

"It sounds to much like Lila."

He groans. "I mean this poor kid is just going to be called kid its whole life because we can't decide on a name..."

Lila chuckles. "Kid sounds pretty cool, kind of unique."

"No way."

She rolls her eyes, taking a bite of her salad and thinking it over. "How about Ella?"

"I think that sounds too much like Lila."

She sighs. And in the background she can hear Sam yelling the name Charlotte.

"Tell him no Bronte sisters!"

"Yeah." Dean says, "whatever that means."

One of Bobby's land lines starts ringing and she scoots her salad away from her, "Duty calls. I'll talk to you later. Love you."

"Love you more."

...

 **S** he isn't stupid. She knows that there is so much going on and that the two of them are neck deep in crap and the world very well might be ending, but she is happy. She's so happy its almost sickening.

Janis is playing loudly on the radio, all the doors and windows are salted and there are way too many devil's traps to count. Bobby didn't want to leave her alone, given their history of the past few months record they had with it he was more than a little apprehensive. But there was some serious demon activities in the Dominican Republic, and Lila was pretty sure that the woman who called for his help was an old flame at the way Bobby's face lit up at the sound of her voice.

And hey, Bobby deserved to have a little fun.

She almost has the baby's room together. Her crib is all made up, stuffed animals and blankets and toys were everywhere. It was beginning to become so real, and Lila got more excited as the time rolled on.

But nothing really stays good for long.

She knows something is up when they show up with two girls, one of them she knows is Ruby, the other one seems to be a little too into Dean for Lila to even begin to like her. She eyes them, waiting for an explanation.

"What's going on?"

Dean smirks, kissing her on the cheek. "How's the baby?"

Lila raises an eyebrow. "She's not coming in." She says, looking at the demon with malice.

"Reign your wife in Dean."

"Do it yourself." Lila says, stepping towards her.

"Easy killer." Dean says, wrapping his arm around her and easing her into the kitchen.

"I do not want a demon here Dean, especially that one."

He scoffs. "Trust me I'm not the president of the Ruby fan club, but she is helping us."

"And who's the other one? She looks like a lost puppy."

He lets out a breath. "She's kind of the case."

Lila scoffs.

"I just needed some place safe to take her, until we figure out why heaven and hell are both after her."

"Just keep her away from me." She says, throwing her hands up in defeat.

"Which one?" He calls after her.

"Both of em!"

…

"How's Lila?" Sam asks, searching through Bobby's contacts for Pamela's number.

"Pregnancy hormones are getting the best of her."

"I heard that." She says, standing in the doorway and glaring at him. Her eyes narrow in on Ruby. She had yet to see this new body, and she had to admit it was not impressive. "You look better as a blond."

Ruby scoffs. "You look better thinner."

Dean steps between them. "A little help here Sam..."

"Lila have you met Anna yet?" Sam chimes in trying to hide the smirk on his face.

"Nice to meet you." The timid red head girl says to her, trying to be nice. "I'm Anna Milton."

"Lila Dawson." Lila eyes her suspiciously. "So, who's gonna fill me in on whats going on?"

Sam looks at his brother, and Dean throws his hands up. "Humor her, Sam."

"Anna here seems to be able to hear what the angels are saying. Which makes her public enemy number one for both heaven and hell." Sam hands Dean the book once he finds Pam's number and Dean walks off to call her. "Dean's going to get Pam here to see if she can try to figure out the things Anna doesn't remember."

Lila's eyes wander back to the girl. Who offers her a smile. "Do you want something to drink?" She asks her, deciding that things are bad enough for the poor girl without her hating her for having googly eyes for Dean.

 _She honestly couldn't blame her..._

Anna takes the bottle of water from her and tosses one to Sam, who catches it with little effort and Ruby's eyes seethe at her from across the room. "Its holy water."

"Mm-hmm."

Dean comes back into the room and touches her arm. "Well pregnant patty how about I get you out of this house for a while? You up for a road trip?"

Lila can't help but smile at him. "Can we get food?"

He chuckles. "Of course."

…

"So what the hell is going on?"

Dean glares at her. "What do you mean?"

"With Sam, and whats her name."

"Ruby?"

She scoff, like the word offends her. "I don't trust her Dean. I never have."

"Oh trust me, I know." He chuckles. "I'm still proud of you from the last time you two got a hold if each other."

Lila smirks, reaching over for his hand. "She's up to something."

"Probably. But she saved Sam's life."

She scoffs and she notices he won't meet her eye. "There's something else going on isn't there? There is something you're not telling me."

Dean tries not to look at her. She knew him so well – too fucking well and she saw right through him. He was never good at keeping secrets from her.

"Dean?"

"How do you do that?" He whines.

"Because I pay attention."

He sighs. "Sam and Ruby are friends, he trusts her, I trust him."

"Friends?" but the look on his face is the only answer she needs. "You're okay with that?" Lila practically yells at him, shoving his arm despite the fact he's driving.

Dean sighs. "He's a grown man, he can make his own choices and at least he's getting some."

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with Dean Winchester?"

He smirks. "I'm just trying to see the gray side of things..."

"I know. I get it... I just have a bad feeling about all of it."


	6. How Sweet The Sound

Somewhere Between Raising Hell and Amazing Grace

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

A/N: This chapter will be taking place after "Heaven and Hell" and before "Family Remains" It fits because there is a gap between the episodes and I am trying my best to fit this into the timeline of the actual show. I also want to warn you guys that there might be a cliff and might leave you hanging there for a few...

Summary: Eight months and three days...

Fighting For Nothing  
Chapter Six:  
"How Sweet The Sound"

It was raining outside, a cold, late November rain that made her shiver all the way down to her bones. She hated the cold, something growing up in the south did not really prepare her for. And she would had just stayed tucked into her bed but today was the last doctors appointment before her due date and she really couldn't miss it.

And besides she wouldn't miss a chance to catch a glimpse of her little girl...

whose name had yet to be determined, she was beginning to think that Dean was right about the whole not agreeing part. It seemed like someone had an aversion to the names either of them settled on. Lila had even resulted to taking online quizzes to help her with picking a name. But that wasn't very helpful.

She found herself wishing that babies came pre-named, like it was stamped on the bottom of their feet or something easy like that...

"Lila Winchester." The nurse calls, and Lila pulls herself out of the chair. They really didn't design those things for pregnant women. She follows the nurse back into the room, waddling her way down the shirt hallway. "All by yourself today?"

Lila nods, patting her stomach thoughtfully. "Daddy had to work."

The nurse smiles, "Well it shouldn't be much longer until you actually have a baby, you two must be so excited."

"Very, I just wish we could decide on a name."

"Some times you just have to wait til they're here and once you get a look at them it hits you..." She hands Lila the cup for her to pee in and leaves her with that thought.

Maybe it would just hit her once the baby was born.

Hopefully.

Because she was not referring to this kid as kid its whole life.

Something seems off when she opens the bathroom door, strange that the air just seems thinner, hard to breathe. And then a voice in the back of her mind says _"Run."_

Which is kind of hard to do when you're eight months pregnant.

She opens the door slowly, and then she sees the lovely nurse who she had just seen moments before laying on the floor with her throat slashed open. Blood stained the front of her shirt, her dead eyes looking somewhere far away.

Fuck.

 _Get out of here._ The voice urges her.

Lila reaches into her purse and pulls out her gun, hands shaking as she unlocks the safety. The smell of sulfur is thick in the air around her and she could kick herself for walking right into this trap.

A young women appears suddenly, long blond hair and white eyes. "I have been waiting for you..."

With a start Lila wakes up, gasping for air like she had been holding her breath. She wakes Dean up, and he has the light flipped on, reaching for the gun he slept with under his pillow.

"Lila?"

She shakes her head, trying to catch her breath. "I'm fine, I just... I had a nightmare."

He sighs, tucking the gun back under his pillow. He reaches for her then, hands brushing her hair from her face. "Its okay... It was just a dream."

Lila nods, squeezing his hand. "I'm gonna go get a glass of water."

"I'll go."

She smiles, leaning in to kiss him. "I'm fine, just go back to sleep."

He nods, resting his head back on his pillow, eyes already closed. "Holler if you need me..."

Lila throws the covers off of herself and makes her way downstairs. He is already snoring as she closes the door behind herself. She rubs her stomach, greeted with a small little kick, a little reassurance that they were okay.

That dream... if it was a dream, but Lila was refusing to believe the other possibility. She was not having visions again. There was no fucking way that Lilith was going to find her, Castiel had ensured that the baby would be protected. And she believed him, he was an angel after all. Even though Lila had never been the religious type she always heard her momma talk about guardian angels and she liked the idea that maybe that's what Cas was.

One thing she knew for sure was that he liked Dean, and it seemed like he would be willing to do just about anything for him.

She gets herself a glass of water, and leans against the counter and begins to drink it.

And suddenly he's there.

Watching her.

"You do realize it is the middle of the night?"

He nods. "I came to warn you."

Everything around her just falls, and she thinks she might actually be sick. "Is the baby okay?"

"She is fine. It just won't be much longer before she is here, you both just have to be prepared."

Lila scoffs. "I don't think anyone is ever prepared for a baby..."

Castiel shakes his head, stepping closer to her. "Prepared for what keeping her safe will entail."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Lots of evil things will come for her,"

"Well she is a Winchester, kind of comes with the name."

He almost smiles at her, but it is lost. "It is written that the first born of the man condemned to hell shall bring peace onto the world."

"That makes no sense..."

"In time." He tells her with a nod, and he is gone in the next second. It made absolutely no fucking sense to her, but not much that came out of the angel's mouth did.

Lila finishes her water and sits her cup in the sink. A small little kick as she makes her way up the stairs. Dean is sound asleep and she watches him for a moment, taking in that look of peace of his face. It was a rare sight to behold. The first born of a man condemned to hell shall bring peace onto the world...

She pats her stomach softly and climbs into bed.

"Pretty big shoes to fill for a fetus..." She whispers, pulling the covers tightly around her.

…

He hasn't taken his eyes off her all morning, but she is just glowing, absolutely beautiful, even in her over sized sweatpants and a flannel.

Pregnancy looked good on her.

"Did you sleep okay last night?" He asks her, absently tucking her hair behind her ear.

She eyes him, chewing on her chocolate chip waffle. "Not really, but it was nice having you here."

Bobby clears his throat. "Some of us are trying to stomach our breakfast."

Dean smirks and kisses her on the cheek, getting up to pour her a glass of orange juice.

"You two decided on a name yet?" Sam asks them.

"Don't ask." Dean calls over his shoulder and Lila rolls her eyes.

"At this point I am willing to just let him call her Zeppelin just to get it over with."

He is smirking when he sits the glass on the table but she frowns at him.

"I am totally kidding."

"I mean how awesome would it be, no other kid in her class would have a name that cool."

Lila scoffs. "You're an idiot."

Dean laughs and kisses her again. He was just giddy knowing that any day now he was going to be a dad and he wanted nothing more than to hold his baby in his arms. He had never wanted nothing more in his life.

"Hey!" Bobby hollers, "You two get a room."

She stops kissing him, ducking down to rest her head on his shoulder. "I actually bought a house." She blurts out, looking between the three of them.

"What?" Dean says, pulling away to look at her.

"I bought a house, here in Souix Falls. I mean not that I don't enjoy Bobby's company and all, but this whole thing was only temporary and I don't want to even have to attempt to baby proof this place."

Bobby smirks, but he looks a little sad. "You don't have to go."

"I know." She nods, smiling at him. "I just feel like maybe its time to do something on my own."

"When did you even have time to buy a house?" Dean asks her with a raised eyebrow.

"I have nothing but free time."

He nods. "So when are you moving in?"

She shrugs. "I figured that we could start tomorrow. Since you two big strong men are taking some time off until the baby comes and we all have nothing better to do."

Dean smirks. He was proud of her, buying a house was a big step – a leap that he never expected her to take. Thing about it was ever since her mom had died Lila made it pretty clear that she was not one for leaving roots anywhere. But this, this was big.

And he knew exactly what changed her mind.

"I was thinking that we could get someone to paint her a mural in here, something girly and sweet." Lila says, eyeing the wall of the nursery." The crib was the first piece of furniture assembled in the house, and the nursery was pretty much the only room that looked livable at the moment.

"Do you know anyone who can do something like that?" Dean asks, arranging the stuffed animals on a shelf.

Lila shrugs, eyeing the empty wall. "No."

Dean laughs. "I noticed that there is another room downstairs, you planning on having more kids?"

She rolls her eyes. "Its for Sam. I mean I wanted you both to have a place when you weren't hunting..."

He catches her face, and kisses her softly for a moment. He really did love her, loved her so fucking much it broke him in half. There wasn't anyone else in this world for him... "I love you," He breathes.

"Love you too."

His hand touches her stomach, "I was thinking about the name again."

She scoffs. "Lets hear it."

Dean smirks. "I was just thinking that we could just put names into a hat and which ever one we pull out..."

Lila pushes his chest away, not amused. "Very funny."

He laughs and she waddles out of the room, leaving him alone.

It was fucking weird, because this kid was coming, she was coming any day and everything was changing. He was changing. This whole thing just made him want all those things he never thought he could have.

A life without hunting, a house, a family, someone to love.

And maybe it was just a fantasy, and maybe he could never really have all of those things at the same time but that didn't stop him from wanting it.

…

Bobby Singer would never admit this out loud, but he was going to miss having Lila around. Even though she had her annoying qualities and she seemed to really get a kick out of ticking him off. It was the little things he was going to miss, like the way she made his house feel more like a home than it had in a very long time.

He is watching her folding up baby clothes from the hallway, soft music is playing in the background and he can just make out the sound of Janis Joplin's voice.

"Nice place."

She turns around, rubbing her belly and smiling at him. "Thanks Bobby."

He steps into the room, and sits a small toy elephant on the changing table. "I walked through the store for about an hour trying to find something for her."

Lila reaches for the toy, brushing her fingers across the fur. "You really are just a big old softy under all that scruff."

Bobby shakes his head. "Just don't tell anyone. I have a reputation to protect."

"Your secret is safe with me." She sits the elephant on the shelf along with the other toys. A small little nudge makes her smile and she reaches for Bobby's hand and places it on her stomach. His eyes light up and he actually looks like he might cry. "No tears." She teases him, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. "I just want to say thank you for everything you've done Bobby. It really means a lot."

He rubs the back of his neck bashfully. "I wouldn't have done it any differently."

"I wanted to ask you something, its kind of a big deal."

"Anything."

"Will you be the baby's godfather?" She asks him in a soft voice. "I'm not catholic or anything but I just want her to know that you are her family... She doesn't have much of one left anyways."

"I would be honored." He sniffles, pulling her in for a hug.

Bobby Singer, big old softy.

Lila pulls away, looking up at him. "Thank you Bobby."

"We got dinner!" Dean calls from downstairs.

Bobby helps her down the stairs, his arm wrapped around hers.

It had been a really long time since Lila felt like she was whole. Losing her mother had broken her in ways that she could have never imagined. She almost thought that it could never be any different.

But she was watching the three of them, her guys, her heroes, her family and she felt so complete, she felt so whole. Being this happy was a bittersweet feeling, but that little nudge, that little reassurance inside of her was the reason that she had finally allowed herself to be happy.

And she knew, as long as she had them, she would always be okay... no matter what.

…

Its raining, and she watches the drops slide slowly down the windshield of the Impala. It was a cold morning in Sioux Falls and she was trying not to feel that deja vu feeling in her gut, but it was so damn hard.

"You okay?" Dean asks, reaching over for her hand.

She nods, looking over at him with a small smile. "I just didn't sleep good last night."

"Yeah I noticed."

Lila squeezes his hand, she had been having the same dream for days now. Lilith showing up at the doctors office, killing everyone there, saving her for last. Each and every time she woke up right when she saw her. She was just trying to convince herself that it was just her hormones messing with her.

They were just nightmares.

Nothing more.

So why does it feel like her feet are made of bricks as she makes her way towards the door?

"You sure you're okay?" Dean asks, watching her sign into the log, her hand shaking so badly that her name looks like chicken scratch.

Her eyes meet his and in that instant she feels like she is going to be sick.

"I've been sort of having the same dream for the past few days."

His eyes widen. "Like a vision?"

"No." She huffs. "Its just a nightmare."

"What's it about?"

She looks around the small waiting room, eyes scanning for the blond girl in her dream. "I'm here, at this appointment and Lilith shows up."

"Fuck..."

She nods. "But it is just a dream and I came prepared just in case." She opens her bag and pulls out a bottle of water, "I also stole Sam's knife from him."

"Is it so wrong that you are turning me on?"

"Shut up..."

He smirks, reaching for her hand. "Well if it makes you feel better I broke into this place a few months ago and demon proofed the rooms. And there is a devil's trap under the rugs leading into the front door."

"Now you're turning me on."

He kisses her cheek. "I'm here, ain't nothing going to hurt you. I promise."

"Well it looks like baby is almost seven pounds in there..." The doctor tells her with a smile.

Lila sighs "I believe it."

"Have you been having braxton hicks contractions yet?"

She shook her head. "No she's just moving around in there like crazy."

"That's good. She's probably situating herself in the birth canal."

Lila catches a glimpse of Dean's face and he looks a little disgusted. She had caught him watching birthing videos online the other day and ever since then he had this almost green look to him.

"I'm going to schedule your next appointment for next week, unless I see you before then."

She nods, reaching for Dean's hand in response. It was so close, everything was happening so fast now. The doctor leaves them alone and Lila sits up on the small bed and eyes him.

"Maybe we should talk about some stuff now."

He nods.

"I just – I don't want her to ever know about all the scary shit we have to deal with. I want to keep her out of the life Dean, no matter what we have to do." She feels herself start to cry but she reigns them in for a second. "I know I sound like my fucking mother but I guess, I guess I just get it now."

Dean takes her hands, leaning closer to her. "Whatever it takes to keep her safe and out of this mess. You know I will do anything that I have to."

Lila nods, unable to fight the tears any longer. Dean wraps her up in his arms and holds her until she calms down, then he kisses her softly on the cheek. He was honestly relieved that she was on the same page as him with this whole thing. He never intended to have a child, but he always told himself that if he ever did that he would never in a million years allow his child to become a hunter.

Even if there seemed to be some prophecy already about his unborn child.

He wasn't having it, he wasn't even humoring the idea.

All he knew was he had to do whatever he could to keep them safe. It was his top priority now.

…

Castiel appeared to him in a motel one night, he was just standing there, watching him. It was creepy.

"What the hell do you want?"

"I came to talk about the child."

Dean eyed him, ready to punch him in his face. "My child?"

The angel nods.

"What does my child have to do with anything?"

"It was foretold..."

He scoffed. "Can you just speak English."

"I am speaking English Dean."

Dean runs his hand through his hair.

"It ties into an ancient prophecy, a man condemned to hell will conceive a child and that child shall bring peace onto the world."

He just stares at him, because he may be speaking English but he made absolutely no sense. "She isn't even born yet Cas and you want to lay all this crap on her? No. Just keep your stupid prophecies to yourself from now on."

The angel is not amused.

But he never was...

"I don't care what you and your God squad do to me but you so much as try to get near my kid I will find a way to kill you all, you hear me Cas?"

…

She doesn't think much about the pain, she wakes up feeling a tightness in her stomach and all she's thinking is today might be the day that she gets to meet her daughter... She gets up from the bed waddling down the hallway to the bathroom.

Everything was so calm and quiet she should have known that something was going to go wrong...

Bright red blood looks back at her from the toilet paper, and a sharp pain pierces through her chest.

"Dean!" She yells, and her entire body starts shaking. The pain in her stomach worsens, and she clutches her stomach in agony. "Dean!" She hollers again but he is already there, already reaching for her. He is so calm, so cool and collected it almost scares her.

"I got you, you're okay, the baby is okay. We are all going to be fine..." He coos helping her stand up straight. He touches her face softly. "It's gonna be okay."

But neither of them believe it.

He helps her into the car, already calling her doctor. She can feel him slowly loosing his calmness piece by piece. His hands are shaking on the steering wheel.

Lila is in so much pain, but she is trying to reign it in. Trying not to show him how bad it really was because she knew he was scared. She had seen him face down every scary thing without so much as flinching. He was in hell and this is the thing that would break him. She just knew it.

His tires screech in front of the emergency room entrance and Lila is sure that he left tire marks behind. He hops out and opens her door.

The seat is slippery from her blood.

It all happens so fast after that.

Doctors and nurses hurling questions at her, blood being drawn for tests and the ultrasound that lets her know her little fighter is still alive in there.

Then the waiting that seems to drag on for hours before her doctor comes in the room. "How are you feeling?"

Lila scoffs. "I've been better."

She smiles, but it doesn't touch her eyes. "Baby girl is feeling a little stressed out right now, so I think our safest option is to do an C-section, immediately."

"What... what does that mean?" Dean asks, because Lila has forgotten how to talk.

"It seems like the placenta has separated from her uterine lining. The placenta is part of your baby's life support system. It transfers oxygen and nutrients to your baby. When the placenta separates from your uterine lining before labor it can interrupt the transportation of oxygen and nutrients to your baby. We can't fully diagnose it until the placenta is examined but with the state that the baby is in, the safest route we can take is to get her out of there. I can get you prepped for surgery and have you a baby by noon."

She reaches for Dean's hand, all she wants to do is cry but she doesn't want to break in front of him. "How did this happen?" She finally asked.

"Any number of factors. I don't want to alarm you Lila. I know that this is a very scary situation and its best for you to remain calm and relaxed, we don't want to stress the baby out in there." She smiles, reaching to touch her arm. "We are going to get that baby out of you safely, don't you worry."

…

Everything is numb, and she is blaming it on all the medication they have her on. She just keeps telling herself to stay strong and when this is all over she will be holding her baby in her arms...

It all takes on a dreamlike quality. Its like a cloud of fog is around everything that she sees. Its easier to just keep her eyes closed and focus on Dean's finger absently brushing across her knuckles.

"Okay Lila, we are going to turn up the morphine." The doctor says, but her voice sounds different. Lila feels her slowly trail something sharp up her leg. "Can you feel that?"

"No," She breathes, letting her eyes slip closed.

"Good."

"Here we go..."

and then it hits her why her voice sounds different and familiar all at the same time.

Suddenly Dean's hand in hers goes limp and she hears something crash.

"Dean?" She calls in a weak voice, trying to move with no avail. Everything was full of sand and even keeping her eyes open was a battle.

And just as everything starts to slip away she hears her baby crying.


	7. That Saved a Wretch Like Me

Somewhere Between Raising Hell and Amazing Grace

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

A/N: Happy Easter every one. I am really sorry about the wait, I did not intend to leave you hanging for so long writers block is a bitch. And naming this kid proved to be the biggest decision of the entire story. I wanted her name to have a really deep meaning that reflected her really well. I just hope you guys like it :)

Summary: Though she be but little, she is fierce

Fighting For Nothing  
Chapter Six Part Two:

"That Saved A Wretch Like Me"

Sam is looking down at his hands, waiting, praying, trying not to get sick. His brother had sounded like a mad man on the phone, screaming about an emergency C-section and how he was seconds away from puking his guts out. So he rushed up there, he left Ruby in that motel room without a second thought.

His niece was going to be here today.

And Sam had been excited about the little Winchester since Lila first told him. Back then it was the last piece of his brother, but now, it was just amazing to see Dean so happy and excited about something. His brother was born to be a dad, he could vouch for that one...

Bobby comes bounding into the waiting room, his arms full of pink presents for the baby. Sam smirks, thinking that the surly hunter had probably never seen so much pink before in his life.

"Heard anything yet?" He asks, tossing all the presents into the seat next to Sam. Both of them had been a nervous wreck and Bobby walked down to the gift shop to have something to do.

"No." He looks down at his watch, Dean had left him standing in the hallway about two hours ago, and he didn't think it would take so long. But he didn't have much experience with babies being born.

"You're worried?" Bobby asks, getting up and pacing again.

He was starting to make him antsy. "I just think its taking too long."

The lights in the waiting room flicker around them suddenly Castiel is standing there behind Bobby with an expressionless look on his face. "The baby is danger." He tells Sam without so much as blinking.

"Yeah they had to do an emergency c-section."

Cas shakes his head. "Demon's are here, Lilith is here..."

Sam almost falls right over. Could this be where it all goes down? Could this be where he ends Lilith once and for all...

"Can you find them?" Sam asks, reaching to touch Cas' arm but getting shrugged off. And just as he asks it they hear the sound of an alarm going off and a group of doctors and nurses rush off down the hallway.

"Code green," A robotic voice over an intercom says. "Code green."

"Well that can't be good." Bobby huffs.

Sam takes off in the next breath, one track mind, find Lilith and kill her.

But on his way out of the small waiting room Castiel appears suddenly in front of him. Hands on his chest to keep him from going any further. "Get off of me." Sam says struggling against him.

"I know where they are. I can sense the baby, you need to let me come with you."

From his experience working with the angel did not end well for them. He had fucked them over royally with the whole Anna thing and he didn't trust him.

But right now he needed him.

"This isn't where it happens Sam." Cas tells him as the three of them make their way down the stairwell. "You must stay focused on saving the child."

"What about Lila and Dean? Are they okay?" Bobby asks, pulling a gun out of his jacket.

Castiel looks back at him for only a brief second. "The doctors will take care of them."

Faintly, the sound of a baby crying can be heard echoing in the stairwell.

Without a moments warning Castiel disappears and Sam and Bobby take off running towards the sound. Three floors down the find her, already in the angels arms, and what appears to be a demon, burned to a crisp on the floor.

Bobby stares at him, out of breath and feeling like he might have a heart attack. "You gonna tell us what the hell happened?"

Castiel looks down at the baby then back up at them. "The demon was ashes when I found the baby."

"What do you mean?" Sam asks, looking down at the demon with horrified eyes.

"Are you saying that she did this?" Bobby asks, almost unable to form the words.

The angel nods only once, and then he looks down at the baby with thoughtful eyes. "I was told the child would be powerful..."

"By who?"

"Heaven."

Sam is stuck looking at the baby, her face is still a little bloody and her umbilical cord is hanging out from the pink blanket she is wrapped up in. She is the most perfectly beautiful thing he has ever seen... "Is she okay?"

Castiel nods, touching her head and causing her to squirm in his arms for a moment. Then he hands her off to Sam without blinking. "I concealed her from demons she should be safe, for now."

Sam clumsily adjusts the baby in his arms, she starts crying and Castiel disappears. Leaving them in the stairwell alone. He looks at Bobby for help but all he does it tuck the gun back into his jacket.

"We need to get her back to the doctors, before we get charged with a kidnapping." Bobby tells him, looking back up the stairs they just bounded down in a hurry.

…

Everything hurts, that is the first thing she notices. Her entire body just aches. There is a dense fog in her mind and she is trying to swim her way through it.

Something is wrong.

The baby... the baby was in danger...

No.

Lila jerks up in the hospital bed, being stopped short because her hands are tied down to the bed and an intense pain shoots through her stomach, enough to make her feel nauseous.

"Hey." Its Dean and he sounds half asleep himself, he eases her back down on the bed shushing her calmly and brushing her hair out of her face. "Everything's okay, I'm here you're safe."

"The baby..."

Dean brushes the tears off her cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. "She's in the nursery."

The fog thins away and the details of the room start to come into focus. There are balloons everywhere, pink and purple and yellow. A teddy bear holding a pink heart with 'its a girl' stitched onto it. Pink, pink and more pink.

"What happened?" She gasps, "Why am I tied down?" Her voice breaks and it breaks him in half.

"You have a lot of stitches, the doctors didn't want you to bust them when you woke up. Here," He tells her, his fingers already undoing the Velcro straps. "Just be careful..." His fingers brush over her wrists softly.

"I want to see my baby." She sobs, her now free hand gripping his tightly.

He nods, reaching for the remote to call the nurse. He tells her that she's awake and she wants to see the baby. Lila still hasn't let go of his hand. "Lilith," She breathes out. "She was here. She took her."

"Cas showed up. Sam said he took care of them. I guess Lilith shagged ass once she realized that the God squad was here." Dean chuckles but she can tell he is still shaken himself.

The door opens and a nurse wheels a baby bed into the room. Lila jerks up in the bed despite the pain, her wince does not go unnoticed by the nurse.

"I'll get the doctor to check on your stitches, just try not to move too much."

The little bundle of pink in the bed wiggles and she gets it why her momma always told her that she wouldn't get it until she had a kid of her own. A tiny fist wraps around her finger and she starts crying because she has never seen or felt anything more beautiful in her entire life.

"Give her to me." She whispers, and Dean reaches in picking up the pink bundle.

He coos to her softly, the smile finally touching his eyes. "You ready to finally meet your momma honey?"

And when he sits her in her arms, she understands exactly what her momma meant all those times she told her how much she loved her.

Nothing else in the world mattered more than the tiny baby in her arms.

"Hi baby girl, I've been waiting so long to meet you." A soft small fist curls around her finger and those big eyes look up at her. And then she remembers that moment, right before she went under, that demon who was going to take her baby. "Lilith almost got her..." Lila says, looking up at him with tears in her eyes. "What if we don't get so lucky the next time."

"Hey," He whispers, leaning in closer and touching the baby's head softly. "Its okay, she's okay. I promise nothing bad is ever going to happen to her again."

"You can't promise me that." Lila sobs, her voice breaking.

Dean nods, lowering himself on the bed so he can be closer to her. "You're right. I can't but I can promise you that I will do anything and everything in my power to keep her safe. I swear to you Lila, I will always protect her first. Always."

She nods, reaching for his hand. "I'm scared that we might not be enough."

"We have to try... for her sake."

The door opens and the doctor comes into the room, clipboard in hand. "Well Mrs. Winchester I am glad to see you're finally awake."

"Me too."

"We ran into some complications with your cesarean delivery, some how there was a leak in your anesthetic pump and it knocked out the whole room."

Lila's eyes flick up to Dean and he smirks.

"Just my luck I guess."

She smiles, looking down at the baby. "I know you don't want to give her up just yet but let dad hold her while I check your stitches." Dean takes the baby and the doctor checks her, letting her know that it is very important that she keeps herself as still as possible for the next twenty four hours while she heals. Then she tells her that she will have the nurse bring the baby some food and she can feed her.

"Well that sounds like an episode of General Hospital or something." She tells him with a chuckle once the doctor leaves them alone again.

"If it makes you feel any better they offered to pay us fifty grand not to sue them."

Lila chuckles, despite the pain in her gut. "I assume you said yes?"

"They are cutting our check as we speak." He hands the baby back over to her, reaching down to brush the soft brown hair on her head. "She really is cute."

"She looks just like you." Lila whispers.

He smirks, sliding into the seat beside her bed. "I think so too."

She smiles at him. "I love her."

"Me too." He chuckles, his voice sounds teary and she catches him wiping his eyes before the tears can be seen.

"She's really here. I almost can't believe its all real." Lila whispers, as she runs her finger slowly across the baby's cheek. Her little round face was so much more perfect than she ever imagined her to be... "I had the perfect name as soon as I saw her..."

Dean leans forward. "Zeppelin Winchester."

"Abigail." She says rolling her eyes at him. "Abigail Mary Winchester."

He looks shocked for a moment, unable to form words.

Lila smiles. "Do you like it?"

He nods. "You want to name her after my mom?"

She nods. "I really like the name Mary it means wished for child..."

Dean raises an eyebrow at her.

"I have read every freaking baby book in Sioux Falls." She tells him with a smirk. "Gail was my mom's middle name and Abigail means father's joy. I think it all kind of fits her..."

He leans in and kisses her, he loves her so much it breaks his chest wide open just to look at her. And now they had this perfect little creation, equal parts of both of them, something pure and beautiful.

Abigail Mary Winchester.

His little girl.

…

Sam couldn't stop thinking about how by some miracle his niece managed to kill a demon. Maybe the demons didn't know what she was capable of, maybe that was why they were after her...

He might never know what those demons wanted today.

One thing he was sure of though, he was never, ever letting anything bad happen to her again.

Dean comes into the waiting room with the biggest smile on his face. He pats Sam on his chest. "I was thinking of going down to the gift shop and getting some of those pink cigars to hand out to everyone."

Bobby stands up and tosses a small box in his lap. "I beat you to it."

He smirks, opening the box and smiling proudly at the tiny pink cigars. "Thanks Bobby."

"How they doin?"

"She's feeding her now. I swear that kid is the cutest thing I have ever seen."

Sam sits down beside him and pats his back. "She is pretty cute."

"Did you two finally decide on a name for her?" Bobby asks, eyeing him.

"Abigail Mary." He tells them proudly, his chest puffing out in pride.

"After mom?"

He nods. And then he looks at his brother seriously. "Its kind of scary though. I mean how am I supposed to keep her safe? We both agreed that we weren't going to have her in this life but how are we supposed to keep her out of it."

"Simple." Sam says, "keep her out of it."

"What if these evil things keep coming from her."

"Cas said he hid her from demons..." Bobby says, reassuringly. "I know plenty of hunters who settle down and have kids."

"Really?" Dean asks, "name one."

Bobby scratches at his beard and curses under his breath.

Dean nods, leaning over and putting his head in his hands. "I can't even stomach it, thinking about what might of happened to her. I feel like I just let them both down. I was just so worried about losing Lila, I let myself get distracted..."

"None of this is your fault Dean, none of us saw it coming."

He sighs. "Lila did. She was having these dreams and I thought they were just dreams but I think it was her vision things coming back."

Sam lets out a sigh and runs his hand through his hair. "Everyone's okay..." He tells him, but he's really saying it out loud for himself. He won't tell his brother what happened with his daughter, it wasn't anything that mattered right now. "I mean I know we cut it close but we saved her."

She saved herself.

"She's gonna be a tough kid." Bobby adds, leaning back in his chair. "She is your kid after all."

…

A man in a tailored suit pours himself a glass of brandy. He adjusts his tie and turns around to look at the tall blond women sitting on the other side of his marble desk.

"I take it everything went as planned?" He asks in a thick Scottish accent

"Of course I did." She smiles, her fingers tracing across the desk between them.

He nods, taking a long sip from his glass of brandy. "Good."

She stands up, eyeing him. "I still don't see why you wanted to me do this whole elaborate scheme just to feed the kid some demon blood. That angel was too close for comfort."

"I needed them to be distracted."

"What for?" She asks, twirling a piece of blond hair around her finger.

"In time my darling, and besides, don't you have an apocalypse to begin?"

She smiles widely, stealing his glass of brandy. "Keep up the good work Crowley." She calls over her shoulder, holding the cup up in the air.

"Bitch." He whispers under his breath.


	8. Losing My Religion

Somewhere Between Raising Hell and Amazing Grace

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

Summary: Adjusting to this new life might be harder than it looks, especially when real life catches up to them.

Fighting For Nothing  
Chapter Seven:

"Losing My Religion"

Being a hunter and having a baby was tough, but he made it home when he could and Bobby helped her out a lot. Abby loved her uncle Bobby. Things just seemed to go so smoothly no one would admit that they were waiting for the other shoe to drop...

Abby is three months old in the blink of an eye and Lila finds herself wishing that time would just slow down for a few seconds. She is sleep deprived and spends most of her time in yesterdays clothes that still have baby puke on them. Showers become a luxury and sleep... ha what the hell was sleep? It was for the weak.

Lila Dawson fit into motherhood like Cinderella in her glass slipper.

She loved waking up everyday with her little piece of perfection. She loved watching her change and grow. Nothing made her happier than feeling her tiny body against hers. Abby never slept in her crib she was always in her arms, and she was too selfish and content to hand her over to anyone.

Even when they insisted.

Bobby came by just about everyday, another gift in hand. He was good at picking out clothes for her. The sweetest, cutest little outfits. And every few weeks like clockwork Dean would find his way back to them and everything was complete. And Lila can't stop herself from wishing that it could always be this way with them...

"A buck fifty for the car seat?" Dean asks, looking over at her in the aisle of the store.

"All the articles I read said this brand was the best one." Lila says, adjusting Abby on her chest.

Dean picks up the huge box and puts it into their cart. He watches her rocking Abby back and forth, that kid was always content when Lila was holding her. "You need to stop reading articles woman."

She scoffs. "Well I read one about post baby orgasms, I think you might be interested in that one..."

His eyes widen. And he puts his hands jokingly over Abby's ears. "Not in front of the kid, eh?"

Lila rolls her eyes.

"But seriously though, do you have that one saved or..."

It was the little things that she enjoyed most about her new life. Like even though she still had devil's traps everywhere and salted the doors and windows each night, she was basically normal. She read the morning paper for the actual news and not to find a case. She got to watch the View and Oprah and The Young and The Restless.

She was enjoying every minute of it.

But like most good things it all has to come to an end.

She gets a phone call in the middle of the night and she knows before she even picks it up that something is terribly wrong.

"Hey." Dean's voice says on the other end of the phone.

"Whats wrong?" She asks, turning over in the bed. Abby is sound asleep next to her and she doesn't want to wake her.

Dean lets out a sigh and she swears it sounds like tears in his voice, Lila ducks into the bathroom and sits down on the toilet.

"Please tell me you're okay."

"Its Pam..." He says slowly. "She uh, we got her killed."

It feels like the floor has been yanked out from under her and she is glad that she is sitting down. She doesn't really know what to say, she just wishes he was there so she could hug him. Lila lets out a breath, trying not to cry. "Where are you?"

"Wyoming, I'm about ten hours away..."

She wanted to tell him that everything was going to be okay, but she had never been good at lying to him. This whole thing was weighing on her, the apocalypse looming over them, the little girl sleeping in the next room who had absolutely no idea how awful the world around her was.

For the first time in her life Lila wished that everything could just be normal.

"Everything's going to be okay..." She tells him, trying her hardest to believe it herself.

But every time she allowed herself to believe that it came back to bite her in the ass.

Its three am and she is driving down the highway like a crazy person. All she got was a call from Sam, Dean was hurt and he was in the hospital. And everything else just sort of faded away.

She couldn't breathe.

Luckily Bobby wasn't far away and he came to stay at her house while she went to Dean. She hated to leave Abby but she needed to be with him. She just knew that something was wrong.

He won't look at her when she comes into the room, his face is all bruised up and he's hooked up to an oxygen machine, which scares her.

"What happened?"

And all she gets is silence.

"Dean?"

He finally looks up at her, his eyes are hard and it hurts her to look at them. "All of this is my fault."

"All of what?"

Dean adjusts in the bed, turning himself towards her. She reaches for his hand and he just looks down at her hand over his for a minute or so, not saying a word.

"You're scaring me."

"I don't know how to tell you this without losing you..."

Lila rose up from the chair and sit on the the side of his bed, pulling his hand up to rest on her hip. She took his face in her hands and kissed his forehead. "Whatever it is we can get through it."

He looks up at her, looking lost and scared. "I lied about hell."

Her hand brushes across his cheek.

"I remember it..."

"You didn't have to lie to me Dean, of all people."

He shakes his head. "Thats not it."

Lila takes a deep breath.

"When I was in hell time moved differently than it does here. It was four months, but there, it was more like forty years." His hand tightens on her hip, and he pulls her closer. "I was tortured for thirty years."

She nods, "What happened for the other ten?"

"I tortured souls."

And there it was. It fell between them like broken glass.

Dean reaches up to wipe a tear from her cheek. "I started the apocalypse when I took their deal. I just... I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't let them tear me apart anymore." His voice cracks and her ribs do the same thing.

Lila cradles him to her, wishing that she could take away this pain he was feeling. He didn't deserve this. Dean had more than his fair share of suffering and this was just another thing, another brick to add to the pile on his back.

"Its okay," She whispers, trying to soothe him. "Its okay, its not your fault."

…

She is rubbing small circles on his back, both of them sitting on the side of the bed waiting for his discharge papers. He has a few broken ribs and a mild concussion, but he'll live, he's had worse. Sam left not long before to get them some coffee.

"How do you feel?" She asks, still rubbing his back.

"I'm fine. You really don't have to keep asking." He chuckles, squeezing her knee.

She smirks. "Do I keep asking?"

He nods, laughing out loud and then grabbing at his abdomen because he forgot his ribs were broken.

"Looks like you might be holed up for a few weeks." She muses, her hand creeping up the back of his neck into his hair. "I'll get to have you home for a while."

He smiles, leaning into kiss her and then someone clears their throat.

Sam is smirking at them when they pull away. "You two get a room."

Dean scoffs and Lila gets up to get her cup of coffee from him. "Did you get all the sugars that I asked for?"

"I used half the box."

She nudges his arm playfully. "So, since I have you both here together – let me start by saying that keeping shit from me isn't helping any of us." She looks between the two of them. "I don't care how scary it is, how fucked up, I don't care if one of y'all takes a shit. I want to know about it."

"Well Sam may be calling you every couple hours after taco Tuesday."

She eyes him. "I'm not joking."

He nods. "I know."

"I'm not some delicate little flower or something, I can handle it. You can't keep me in the dark."

Both of them nod, but deep down she really doesn't believe either of them. She couldn't explain it really but something in her gut just told her that there was still something else...

…

She won't admit out loud that she wishes it was could always be this way. That the two of them could just be at home, with their daughter, listening to Led Zeppelin as it slowly drifts through the house.

Sure he was still healing and everything was still a mess but she woke up next to him, and he sang along to Kashmir and Abby smiled widely at him.

She was smitten with her daddy.

Although she was mostly with her momma, or her uncle Bobby, both of them became obsolete when daddy showed up.

But the leaving came like it always did, it was the only thing that was constant.

And she wished she had the heart to beg him stay. But Dean Winchester had far bigger things to take care of than them. He was going to save the world.

Lila was sure of it.

…

Revelations scared the shit out of her.

She wished that she wouldn't had flipped to the back of the bible and skimmed over that chapter. Fire and suffering and horrible awful things, things she was seeing appear across her television. People have been talking about the end of the world for as long as she can remember. But she wondered if they realized that they were right about it this time.

She might be okay with the world going to hell if it wasn't for that pretty little girl looking up at her from the blanket on the floor, here eyes big and green just like her daddy's. She was just learning to sit up by herself and she jabbered on constantly, always "da da da da."

She knew the feeling.

Missing Dean was a constant emotion and she felt it down to her soul. It was crippling at times...

But Lila always kept going, one foot in front of the other.

…

Dean comes slowly into the front door, dropping his bag on the floor and sliding his boots off. He was tired and scared and he just wanted to see his girl.

She comes bounding down the stairs and throws her arms around his neck. Her hair smells like green apples and honey. He wishes he could bottle that scent up and keep it with him. He really needed it the past few weeks.

"Where's Sam?" She asks, lips tickling his neck.

"I have something to tell you..."

She pulls away, looking right at him.

"Sam... Sam's been drinking demon blood." Dean's voice cracked and Lila sees that he's been crying his eyes are red and blotchy.

"What does that mean?"

"Its how he's been exorcising demons, it wasn't his freaky mojo stuff, it was that bitch putting demon blood down his throat. Stringing him along like a junkie."

Lila's face turns red, "Ruby?"

He nods.

She takes a deep breath and touches his face softly. "Where is he, is he okay?"

"He's in Bobby's panic room..."

And that was the beginning of the end. Everything went to hell, or rather hell came to them.

It all kind of happened in a blur, Lila was kept at bay while everything conspired, she got one phone call from Dean and he told her that no matter what she was going to be kept safe. She had no idea what that meant but it scared her to death.

She couldn't help but think that she was going to lose him.

Everything was falling apart, this whole life that she dreamed up was crumbling around her and she had no way to stop it. She was powerless and that had always been the scariest thing to her. Being out of control.

It was an entire day before she heard from him.

And then...

"I need you to pack a bag and be ready to leave." He tells her.

"What's happening?" She asks, frantically, adjusting the baby on her hip. "Its been almost two days since I've heard from you and all you give me is that."

But how was he supposed to tell her that he couldn't stop it from happening, and that the key to him stopping all of this was to become some angel's meat sack. How was he supposed to tell her that everything was fucked up and it was all his fault.

"Talk to me Dean, tell me what the hell is going on."

He takes a deep breath, "Its done. The last seal, its broken."

Lila has to sit down, and its like Abby heard him some how and she starts crying, screaming and Lila wishes that she could join her. "Dean?"

"I'm on my way to you." He tells her, trying to be calm, but she could hear the panic in his voice.

"Please be careful." Lila says, patting Abby's back to try and soothe her.

"Don't open the door unless its me."

Two hours later she hears the Impala rumbling in the driveway and the person who comes in the front door looks just like her Dean, only he looks like he aged twenty years. His eyes are tired and his hands are still shaking. The two of them just look at each other for a moment. Both of them just thankful that the other is still alive.

The fear in his eyes scares her more than anything.

"Are we just leaving?" She asks, stepping closer to him.

He nods. "For now."

"Where are we going?"

Dean doesn't answer her and it pisses her off more than anything.

"Dean."

He lets out a breath. "I can't drag you along in this mess with me."

"Dean?"

"I love you and Abby more than anything but I have to do what's right and keep you safe. I can't have to worry about if they're gonna find you and use you against me. I have too much to lose and they know that."

The baby starts crying again upstairs and Lila rushes up the stairs after her, picking her up from her crib and rocking her against her chest. "Its okay baby, momma's here." But this time she joins in on the crying.

She knew that she was going to lose him.

It was inevitable...

She can feel him hovering in the doorway.

"I have some friends in Tennessee." Lila tells him, not turning around to look at him. "They can keep me safe, there house is pretty much in the middle of no where."

"Will you look at me?"

She turns around and when he sees the tears in her eyes his own fall down his cheeks. "I don't want to do this." He whispers. "I don't want to let you go but... I don't know how else to keep you safe."

"I get it."

He steps closer to her, pulling her and the baby into a hug. "You have no idea the things that these angels are willing to do to get what they want."

"What do they want Dean?"

"Me."

Lila tugs him closer, and Abby pushes herself away and towards him, clinging onto his jacket for dear life. The three of them just sat there for a few moments, holding onto one another, saying goodbye.

Soaking up the memory for a rainy day.

…

They spend the night in a motel, where Cas appears and marks their ribs the same way he had done his and Sam's. Dean's eyes grew weary when Cas looked at him, as if he was waiting for some kind of cue.

"Lila?" Dean says softly, reaching for her hand. "There is one more thing we have to do."

She eyes him, afraid. "What?"

"I need to erase your memories." Cas says to her in an emotionless voice.

She snatches her hand away from him and steps back, bumping into the bed. Abby coos from her pack and play and when Lila looks back at her she thinks she is looking at an adult the way her daughter's eyes seem to bore into her.

"Its to keep you safe, keep us both safe." Dean explains. "Its only temporary."

"No." She snarls, looking like an animal backed into a corner. "No fucking way."

Dean looks over to Cas, "Give us a minute huh?"

He nods and sits on the edge of the bed while Dean motions for Lila to follow him outside. She reluctantly goes, arms crossed over her chest. "What are you trying to pull here?"

"I'm trying to save you."

She pushes his chest away. "Stop."

"I don't think you get how fucked everything is."

Lila's eyes change. "Trust me I fucking get it okay? I'm the one who has to worry about you and your brother, because both of you dumb-asses seem to think that its okay to just hurl yourself into harms way to save the other one. I get it this whole noble thing you're trying to pull here but I am not letting that angel erase you. I can't survive without you."

"I don't know what else to do. Bobby almost died because of us, and I can't let that happen to you..."

"What happened to Bobby?" She asks in a small voice.

"He's fine now."

Lila sighs, putting her hand on her hip and looking at him like she wanted to slug him. "Remember when we finally went to the beach? Remember what you told me that day?"

Everything stops at once, his heart in his chest and the whir of the noises around him. All that's left is her and that one promise he made her that he never broke.

"I said no matter what happens to me I will always love you."

She nods. "Promise me that again."

He steps forward, letting out a breath that sounded almost painful as he pulls her against him. "I will always love you Lila, no matter what happens."

She kisses him hard, grasping the back of his neck and squeezing his shoulder to keep him there.

Lila would never really get used to kissing him goodbye.

"This is temporary right? I mean once things are over you'll give them all back to me?"

Castiel nods, and Lila takes a step towards him. Her eyes flick to Dean, and he rocks the now fast asleep baby in his arms.

"Is it gonna hurt?" She squeaks out.

"No." Cas tells her.

Lila nods, taking a deep breath and letting it out. "Okay."

Dean turns away when Cas lays his hand on her head. Kissing his daughter's soft hair and fighting the tears behind his eyes. "I won't be far from you two." He promises his sleeping baby.

When he turns back around Cas is lowering Lila onto the mattress. "She will wake soon."

He nods, laying the baby beside her. He kisses them both once more, his hand lingering on Lila's cheek for a moment. Leaving her never got any easier, but this was the right thing to do, no matter how much it hurt...


	9. My Only Sunshine

Somewhere Between Raising Hell and Amazing Grace

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

A/N: Y'all hate me right? I know I hate myself. But I am just feeling lazy and ready to get to the next part of the story. I am very excited to write my girl Lila into season 6 – which I have to say is one of my favorite seasons. I hope everyone is still enjoying the story. Love you guys. Also I didn't mention it in other chapters but Abby's birthday is going to be December 4th and I am going to say that this chapter is about a month or so before her first birthday.

Time Line: Somewhere after "Hammer Of The Gods"

Summary: I dreamed I held you in my arms, but when I woke dear, I was mistaken. 

Fighting For Nothing  
Chapter Eight:

"My Only Sunshine"

For some reason she cannot help but play with the ring hanging around her neck on a simple black cord. Its as if it holds something dear to her. But in all honesty she cannot remember where she got it from. She dreams about the same man every night. He's tall and handsome with green eyes that seem to bore right into her. She spent all day thinking of him, searching for him in a crowd.

He was everywhere but yet he was no where at all.

Lila stands up on her tiptoes, reaching for a glass bowl on the top shelf. But it goes tumbling out of the cabinet and crashes onto the floor into a hundred pieces. She waits a moment to see if it woke Abby up and then she bends over to pick it up.

She sees the blood before she actually feels the cut in the palm of her hand, she jumps up from the floor and turns the sink on, rinsing the blood from her hand.

And she can see him, plain as day, holding a towel to her hand that's bleeding. Looking down at her with those deep, soulful, green eyes.

" _I don't want you to leave," She tells him, practically begs._

He looks down at her and she wishes that she could find a way to dive into those eyes and get lost forever.

The man almost smirks at her, but it fades away, just as the image of him fades.

She put a band aid over her hand and tried to will it away.

Whatever it was she was seeing, it wasn't real.

She turns around, and suddenly she isn't in her kitchen anymore, she's in her mother's house and he is standing there looking at her from the other side of the table. Those damn green eyes are all judgy and she won't admit how much it pisses her off and makes her want to kiss him at the same time.

He's younger than he had been in her other dreams.

" _If I didn't know any better I would think you were jealous..."_

She runs into a wall, and she uses it to keep her upright.

The things she was seeing, it was almost like they were memories.

And they were assaulting her.

Flashes and glimpses of them and their life together. Each one was more painful than the last, she finds herself on the floor clutching her head in agony.

And just before it all goes black she hears him promise _"No matter what happens, I will always love you..."_

She wakes up on the floor, a small puddle of blood next to her face. She realizes pretty quickly that it had been coming from her nose. She eases herself up and the ringing in her ears gets louder.

Lila doesn't know what is real anymore. This could all be some kind of psychotic break, she could have a brain tumor that was making her see and feel things that weren't real.

But it all just felt so real...

This life never felt like hers, she hated her job and her clothes and the face that looked back at her from the mirror.

A flash of a man in a trench coat – Castiel she remembers – he reaches out towards her and touches her head. "This is only temporary.

Castiel was an angel.

That much she knew.

Call it an epiphany, call it a rude awakening, call it whatever you want but she had to know if this was real.

Her ears are ringing as she rises up and she wonders if she will be okay. Whatever happened was big, undoing the angel's mojo had to take some seriously heavy power. Inheriting her mom's psychic abilities had always been her biggest fear.

But what was it that her momma always told her?

Three things you can't run from are death, taxes and your destiny.

She splashes cold water on her face and tries to catch her breath.

It might have been impractical to just pack up her baby and chase what could possibly be just ghosts. But Lila could not let go the memory of that man and his deep green eyes. Abby was mumbling in the back seat, words she wished she could make out. She took solace in the fact that she seemed to be encouraging her to keep driving.

She knocks frantically on the familiar door, everything had taken on a dream like quality the moment she pulled into the driveway. But she knew this place, and it felt like home.

A man in a wheelchair opens the door and he looks up at her with wide eyes.

"Lila?"

"Do I know you?" She asks, tilting her head to the side, something was so familiar about this older man and his scraggly beard and soft kind eyes.

"Shit." He mutters, and then his eyes land on Abby. "Gosh, she's getting big."

Lila takes a step back. "How do you know me?"

"My name is Bobby Singer." He says softly, rolling his wheelchair back. "We're old friends."

She remembers him holding his hands up to her with a soft smile, checking her bloody and bruised nose to see if it was broken. She knew she liked him from the first time she met him.

Lila takes a step inside the house and the baby in her arms stirs and she raises her head to look at Bobby. Her face lights up with a smile and she practically jumps from her arms into his lap. He wraps her up in his arms and kisses her blond girls. "Guess someone still remembers me."

"That angel did this to me."

Bobby nods. "You two decided that it was the best way to keep you safe."

"Me and who?"

He smirks, "Dean."

Dean.

Dean Winchester.

The name resonates something inside of her and she feels like she might fall over again.

She takes off into the kitchen and somehow she knows just where he keeps his cups and his alcohol and pours herself a glass of bourbon. She never knew how much she liked bourbon...

Bobby wheels into the kitchen, he's got Abby in his lap still and she is laughing and having a good time riding in his char with him.

She downs the rest of her cup. "So I'm not crazy?"

"Lila you really don't want me to answer that question..."

She finds herself smirking at him.

"Where is he? Dean?" She asks, deciding to pour herself another glass.

"Not sure." Bobby tells her, opening a drawer and pulling out a piece of candy, he unwraps a piece of chocolate and hands it to Abby with a smile. "I should probably call him."

She nods, taking another long sip. She situates herself on a chair and watches her baby who seems to be on cloud fucking nine with this Bobby guy.

Apparently they were close.

"Dean?" Bobby says into the receiver. "We might have a problem... Lila's here. I don't know you idjit she just showed up at my door," He scoffs and looks over at her for a split second. "What was I supposed to do Dean? Shut the door in her face?"

She finishes her second drink and resists the urge to pour herself another one.

"Yeah, you do that." He hangs the phone up and turns himself around and smirks at her. "He's the most stubborn son of …" He looks down at the toddler in his lap. "well you get know where I'm going with this one?"

Lila nods. "Is he coming here?"

Bobby nods, reaching for the bottle of Jim Beam and drinking straight from the bottle. "He'll be here in about an hour."

And suddenly she was nervous.

…

Dean clutches the phone in his hand so tightly it amazes him it isn't crunched when he lets it go. Sam leans forward in the front seat and looks over at him.

"Do you want me to drive?"

He shakes his head. Still processing what Bobby had told him. Lila was at his house which meant somehow she had remembered him.

"I thought you had Cas erase everything?" Sam asks as he takes the ramp up the expressway.

"He did," He fumes, tossing his phone into the backseat. "He even gave her all of these false memories to replace them."

Sam makes a noise. "I can't believe the two of you went through with it."

"I had to do what I could to keep them safe..."

"You're doing a lot of that here lately..."

…

He can't fucking breathe as he makes his way up the front steps of Bobby's house. There is a Ford Explorer parked outside with a pink car seat in the back. His stomach drops when he sees her, his daughter, who is not such a baby anymore, smiling up at him from the floor in Bobby's kitchen. She is playing with a toy dinosaur.

Nothing else really seems to matter then.

He kneels to one knee and her big green eyes light up. She reaches her tiny chubby fists to him, "Da da."

She was so big– how the hell did that happen? All the energy drains from his body when she wraps her tiny arms around his neck, squeezing him hard. She missed him, she remembered him. She loved him.

And for the first time in his entire life, Dean actually felt like he was worthy of it.

"Dean?" Her voice cuts through the fog and the tears.

He opens his eyes and she is standing in the doorway. Her hair is cut, that is the first thing he notices. Now its shorter around her face and slightly curly. It was a definite change.

"Lila." He manages to get up from the floor, Abby hasn't moved from around his neck.

"Wow." She says, hand on her hip, looking at him with a smirk on her lips. "You're real."

He nods, wishing there wasn't a baby between them. "Yeah, I guess I am."

…

It doesn't take her long to fall asleep, so he puts her down on covering her up with his flannel like he always did when she was first brought home from the hospital and couldn't sleep unless she was in her daddy's arms.

He turns around and she is right there.

"She absolutely adores you."

He smirks proudly. "The feeling is mutual."

"I'm sorry," She says shyly, a totally new emotion for him to see her express. "I just I know I should know you and I kind of do but its all still kind of fuzzy."

Dean hears Bobby and Sam talking in the other room and since Abby is sound asleep he leads her down the stairs, the panic room isn't the most romantic place to take her, but he knows that they can have a conversation without someone interrupting them.

He shuts the door and turn to look at her, she smells so nice, like some sweet perfume. She was intoxicating to look at and he didn't remember how he went six months without her, he didn't know how he was going to go another second.

She takes a step towards him, her hand touching his cheek softly. "You just feel so familiar to me."

Her hand is so warm and he hasn't been able to get warm in months.

Then someone clears their throat.

Both of them jump apart and Castiel is standing there awkwardly staring at them.

"Great timing Cas." Dean scoffs, running his hand through his hair.

Lila eyes him. "Castiel." She says slowly. "You took my memories."

He nods, circling her. "You broke through the mental block, it must have been very painful."

"Yeah, it hurt like a bitch." She tells him, crossing her arms over her chest and eyeing him. "Can you give them back? Can you help me remember?"

Castiel looks at Dean, as if he is waiting to see what his reaction was.

"I can."

Lila reaches for his hand, grabbing it like it was her lifeline. "What do I need to do?"

"Don't move." He tells her, holding his hand out to her, he touches her forehead and she lets out a soft moan, collapsing backwards into Dean's arms.

"Is she okay?" Dean asks, lifting her up into his arms.

Cas nods. "She will be fine."

Dean lowers her onto the cot, kneeling down beside her. "I know that this wasn't a good idea. I should had just let you re-erase me. But I miss her Cas, all this crap we've been in and all I can think about is her."

"I know." He says, and then in the next second he is gone. Dean leans his head on her hand. It might be a fucking disaster when she wakes up but he was just glad to have her back.

…

She jumps up from the bed, gasping for air and startling the shit out of him. She is sitting there catching her breath and eyeing him like she wants to smack him.

"How do you feel?" He asks, touching her cheek.

"Like I want to slug you."

He smirks. "Go a head and do it I deserve it."

Lila pushes her hair out of her face, she seems annoyed by her bangs in her face. "I can't believe I cut my hair."

"Me either." He touches the ends and smirks. "I kind of like it though."

She scoffs, raising up further in the bed, she doesn't want to sit on it any longer. "I feel hungover."

He chuckles, "Bobby did say that you drank half a bottle of bourbon."

Lila clutches her head. "I definitely remember that."

Dean raises up and kisses her temple. "I'm sorry that we did this. I should have never even..."

"Its okay, you were just trying to keep us safe."

He looks right into her eyes and he doesn't remember how he went so long without talking to her. How he was able to get up in the morning and function without kissing her goodnight.

This woman had ruined him in the best way possible.

"I just felt so lost," She says softly. "I woke up everyday and I tried to be happy, but it just didn't feel right. I hated my clothes, I hated the face in the mirror staring back at me." Lila laces their fingers together. "I was missing something, someone."

"I know the feeling."

Lila leans in closer, "Where's Abby?"

"Sleeping." He bumps his nose into hers, teasing. "She should be out for a couple more hours."

"I love you," She breathes, pressing her lips to his softly.

"I love you more..."

…

Despite the happiness they felt, the world was indeed ending. There was no denying that. There were signs everywhere, breathing down the back of their necks, not letting them have a moment of solace.

Abby turned one and Lila spent the day trying not to cry, but every time she looked at her baby she couldn't help but be sad. They might wake up tomorrow and everything could have went to hell, literally.

It was like living in slow motion, like someone had a hold of her puppet strings.

She stayed at Bobby's even though she had a perfectly nice house just a few miles up the road. It was just safer there, she felt like she could actually ride this thing out in that old house with him.

It was an all hands on deck situation, and she hates watching them all pack up and head off to fight the devil and save the world but she knows someone had to keep Abby safe.

But saying goodbye never gets easier.

"I just want you to know, that when I picture myself happy its with you and Abby. I wish we could have a normal life, I wish it more than anything sometimes."

Lila stands on her tip toes and kisses him on the forehead. "I know."

Dean stares at her for a long time, catching her cheek and looking right into her eyes. He promises himself that he is going to come back to her. He swears it.

But saying it out loud would be a jinx, so instead he just kisses her, whispering his wish against her lips.

And in the grand scheme of things Lila knows that they will all be okay, she can feel it somewhere deep inside herself. She looks at her daughter and she has to believe that this world might be worthy of her one day...

One day everything would be okay...


End file.
